The Night is Still Young [Rasta]

[Snowflake Smoky]

Things were changing, that much could be established for certain. It had been but three days since the wolf attack had taken place, only a handful of hours since the miracle had occurred and Rasta and Taj had healed one another. It didn’t seem to matter to her that his brain was in a minimal state of panic because he’d preformed something that could be considered magic. The concept gave him the chills, just slightly, and it made him want to go take a bath in a cold stream. Rasta had kept him from doing any such thing, except to wash away the stains of red blood from his pelt. The most important thing was that they were now both safe, completely perfect health wise, and better rested than they’d been in quite some time. The snowstorms had paused for the moment, the weather still frigid but not attempting to kill anyone for the moment. War was still impending, still on the forefront of his and Rasta’s minds. It was amusing, how quickly he’d gone from associating her as Rasta the leader to Rasta the close friend. It didn’t feel like he had such a little chance anymore. Maybe, just maybe, he’d get lucky and be able to stop dreaming. He had to laugh at himself, as he looked over the writhing mass of rivers that marked the border to the west. This was his favorite part of his home, what with the cascading waters making the land a mass of beautiful wet. Not everyone felt the same though, and so the waters had ended up being marked a danger zone. Well maybe if there weren’t such masses of the unintelligent, then things like falling in wouldn’t happen. Not that I can fix that. Part of his mind wondered at where Rasta was. They’d spent little time apart over the past few days, what with the profound feeling that came with having been healed by someone else.

Despite the positive feelings between them now, he couldn’t help but wonder if the feelings that she felt were a result of him having healed the dip in her back. Loyalties weren’t required anymore, after all she was safe to wander once again. Plus, it gave her an advantage over Scath who didn’t know any better. He hoped that the origins of her feelings were besides that though. He scanned the cloudy sky above him in the hopes of spotting her hawk patronus somewhere. That’d likely signal her arrival. He almost longed for one of his own, considering how useful it had been. He wasn’t sure he wanted to see the incarnation of his spirit in the ghostly flesh though. They weren’t exactly fantastic company either. He’d attempted to talk to Rasta’s, trying to include the thing in conversation. It hadn’t proved very fruitful though. The hawk just blinked at him with intelligent eyes. It could comprehend, of that he was certain, but it would be absolutely fantastic if it would take the time to answer him. It might be useful to talk to the thing. It made him wonder what about Rasta made her a hawk then, and whether or not he’d end up with a tiger or a butterfly. It had seemed like a useless question long ago, when he didn’t think himself capable of anything remotely beyond ordinary. However, since healing Rasta he’d started dreaming of other things that he might someday be capable of doing. Rasta, on the other hand, was still amazed by the occurrence. She’d put the rest seemingly from her mind though, and little serious conversation had passed between the two recently. Despite her using terms that implied something beyond friendship a few days ago with the wolves, he himself hadn’t manned up and replied back in kind. He wasn’t entirely sure that she was over Scath, and he didn’t want to push her. Nor did he want to use something and find out that she didn’t actually return the feelings that dwelled in his soul. Another laugh escaped from his nostrils, turning into puffs of condensation floating through the air. Maybe I’d end up with something that changes so constantly that no one would ever know what shape it took. It’d just be a blur of ghostly silvery light.

Taj glanced around, and seeing no one, began a quick sending to whatever could possibly lay above. He hadn’t told Rasta yet, but this awkward religion was where he set store. If his wishes were granted it was a beautiful thing, if they weren’t there was a reason, undoubtedly a good one, why. “I appreciate beyond belief these past few days. They’ve been like walking through a dream, though I can’t say for certain where I’m going or where I’ve been. For the healing powers, I can’t help but be thankful. I’d be on three stilts or dead if not for them, and certainly both of us would be the worse for wear. I don’t know what to do though, and I could use some advice through your wise hand. I think I love her, and I don’t know how to tell her. How am I even to know if she feels the same, or if this witty banter between us is just a way she gets enough amusement to fill her day? I’m completely lost, and completely yours to guide. I just don’t know how I’m to reach the other end of this maze without a helping hand.” He paused, not certain of how to continue. “Just stay by my side, and don’t abandon your faith in me no matter what I might do. Guide me with a soft hand back onto the path I’m meant to walk should I stray, and don’t be loose with your gifts. I appreciate already what I’ve been given. Thank you.” He lifted his head back up, gazing out through blue eyes at a landscape that never seemed to change. He could age a thousand years and feel the same way here. He had faith though, in whatever it was that he believed, that he wouldn’t last that long. A normal lifespan would be just fine for him.

He lingered there, all day long. He wanted to see the sunset refract across the water, and sleep by its soothing sounds. He didn’t want to think about the sides of this mess of war, nor did he want to think about anything but the truth. He couldn’t know the honest side of everything of course, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying to piece together what he knew. There were just so many questions that he needed the answer to, and he knew that they all fit into one pretty image when they were all answered. He needed to talk to Rasta about his feelings, of that much he was certain. He needed to explain where she was coming from, and simply ask for her honest reply to the prompt. He wasn’t sure he was brave enough to do that though. He was strong enough to jump between her and a pack of wolves, he’d done that already, but he was afraid of the wolves that might spring forth from her words. He needed to breathe, and he almost wondered if jumping into the water was a good idea. He shook it away almost as quickly, physically moving his head in a trademark attempt to dislodge the thought. The water had chunks of ice in it, and only the fact that it was moving kept it from freezing over. Besides, the sun would be down soon and the moon rising. He’d just stand here and enjoy the beauty until he needed to seek out sleep. The entirety of the rivers were aglow with orange light though, and the snow on the ground reflected it back as well. It was absolutely magnificent, the reds and yellows blending together the closer they got the sun and the horizon.“Oh beauty, beyond me belief. How you tempt me, with your firey steel teeth. How I long to reach out and touch you! Yet I know how foolish it would be. I can not touch the sun, nor can I capture the moon. Yet, I can dream. Forever, that will be the strongest part of me. The part that endlessly longs for you.”

Taj wasn’t certain where the spurt of poetry came from, though he didn’t doubt the inspiration. Could it be the sign he longed for? Heavens, no, it was simply musings about the sun and the moon. Both were untouchable, simply spots of light. Perhaps then it was telling him not to seek the unattainable? Heavens, it was absolutely useless but as a scrap of pretty wording that might someday impress someone who wanted to be charmed off of their feet. Besides that, he saw little use in the musings of his own mind. Heck, he’d doubt he’d even authored the thing if the words hadn’t come out of his own lips. He had always trailed behind just the slightest bit, musing about how to create fire when Rasta obviously already knew how. There it was again, her name dancing a path through his brain. He hoped that wherever she was, because through the day she hadn’t quite managed to appear, she was safe and having a good time. He worried about her, about her safety and her happiness. As long as both of those were in good standing, then whatever she did was by her own leave. By now, the moon was rising and every breath he drew left the air with a little grey puff. It was beautiful, even invigorating. The only thing he wanted to do was count the stars as they came out into the sky, their shining faces smiling down on him. There were so many legends about the stars, so many stories. He didn’t care which of them was true. He just wanted a place among them when he died, so that he could smile down on those he cared about. He could be the only horse in the sky for all he cared, maybe even part of a running horse, with his smiling face at the very front, so that he could be the eye. After all, he’d be looked after. He had faith in that, even if nothing above him really existed. If life was what you made it, then by all he could figure, so was death.

He didn’t want death to be in the immediate future though either. He didn’t want to die with this war, with that idiot Ramaskith’s plan for vengeance he didn’t have the right to take in the first place. There would be deaths though, and great sorrow that the land didn’t really need to receive. There would be intelligent beasts on his side, even if Ramaskith himself was all to likely a madman. Taj couldn’t really say. He didn’t remember the last wars, didn’t even know if he’d been alive or simply hiding during them. His mother had raised him in a fairly sheltered situation. His mother, goodness she’d been lovely. He hated to think that he’d never know anything more about her, whether or not he had a sibling in the land, who his father was. The honest truth was that he didn’t even know her name. He’d always addressed her as mother, and she’d either addressed him as Taj or son. She had been such a ghost through the lands, never lingering in one place long enough for them to get to know anyone. He couldn’t even be certain that besides his father she’d made any contact in the land. He’d let the dead remember the dead though, for she wouldn’t want his thoughts lingering on her spirit for too long. She’d always encouraged him to have a lively and colorful life, to care for others and for himself, and to make sure that he was proud of everything he did. She’d set high standards that he did his very best to uphold. He wasn’t sure he always succeeded though. He thought that she’d be proud of how he’d been with Rasta though, charming and as chivalrous as he thought it was possible for him to be. Thinking of his mother made him wonder if he’d ever have children of his own someday. It might be nice to get a chance to inspire someone else with proud words and heroic ideals. Taj wasn’t certain that he’d even make a good father though. He’d had absolutely no experience. What about all those parents with children that ended up criminals or disappointments. How could he cope with that? How did a parent go astray and cause something like that? He probably ought not think of it then, especially considering that if Rasta didn’t have children then she probably didn’t want any. There, for the first time, Rasta and him having children crossed Taj’s mind. Before that it had been hypothetical, but now he shook his head viciously in an attempt to dislodge the thought. He wasn’t ready to go there, wasn’t even ready to cross that threshold of thought. It would certainly be a long time coming. If Rasta even fancied him, she probably didn’t fancy children.

Plus, he couldn’t just waltz off and have a child with another mare. It would be just wrong. It did make him wonder what Rasta’s opinion of herds was though. So far, it had been one on one contact. He’d heard of other stallions that managed to protect sometimes even twenty mares and their children, all while maintaining one preferred one. The queen of his herd. Rasta didn’t really need that kind of endorsement though. She was already the alpha of this land, she didn’t need to request permission to take control of a herd. He didn’t even know if there were any herds on her land. Maybe she didn’t permit them. Face it Taj, you just need to go metaphorically sit down and have a nice long conversation with her. You’ll only stress yourself out by asking these things in your mind. You’ll never know the answer until you actually ask her. There again the question! Where in the world, or territory as the case might’ve been, was she? It’d been less then twenty-four hours since he’d seen her last, and yet he longed to see her again. That didn’t work out spectacularly when he was having such trouble locating her. He hadn’t been putting out great amounts of effort though, and maybe she was just lingering somewhere wondering where he was and why he wasn’t coming around. Maybe it was rude to assume that she’d come looking for him. He still hadn’t found an answer, and he pondered asking that which lies above again. He doubted that it’d do much good. He just raised his head to stare at the stars, and wonder if it was up to him to decide what to do. A tear, unnoticed by him and hopefully by the world, slipped out of his eye and down to his jawbone. For the second time, in the same handful of hours, Taj was crying again without even knowing why. What a sad world he lived in. What a sad, sad, wonderful world.

Words: 2539 <=== Proof that Smoky is a beast

[Abba]

[atrb=border,0,false][bg=#8d9091][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,500px,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" Rasta had been traveling around for what felt like quite some time since they had both healed the other. But - still - she was deathly afraid she was going to lose him. She could take care of herself perfectly fine. So she had allowed her hawk to take off into the sky again. His wings fluttered in the sky - taking the wind even though it neither helped nor hindered the transparent animal. She enjoyed being able to send him off - being able to see exactly what was happening in other portions of her territory without having to actually be there. It was a wonderful thing, though it did disorient her for a little bit of time while she concentrated on the hawk and what he was seeing. He circled around, careful to stay in the sky. Letting out a tiny caw of a hello he fluttered into a tree, shaking out his wings for a moment before settling in and watching Taj. For the moment he was almost as a guardian angel for this stallion which Rasta had grown increasingly attached to. He didn't quite understand what was going on with her. She was strange. She was causing problems becoming attached to those she couldn't save. Making someone immortal like her was a terrible feat - a feat that caused pain in order to be the one to give it to the other person. It made that equine weak. It was something Rasta shouldn't even be considering, so as the hawk sat there he shook his head in dismay. Rasta continued to move around, almost laughing at herself. Why was it that she was so attached to this Taj? Why had it been that she was always slightly drawn to him? She had thought she had loved Scath - but maybe he had been right. Maybe she was just dependent upon him because he had saved her so many times. After all, she had considered him rude and completely ill-mannered when he had first appeared in her life. In fact - no one she had been around enjoyed him. Why hadn't she been smart and let him wander off on his own? Why had she had to follow him? She has someone here who does care. Someone who panicked and listened - was a shoulder to cry on - after the disastrous fight with her almost lover. She shook her head. She must get off of this topic. Looking to her hawk who was currently dissing her she began to concentrate upon where Taj was. The hawk shifted his weight and peered down upon the painted stallion. It was the first time she had actually seen his colour and it amazed her. A dun with splashes of white upon his muscled frame. The black mane and tail falling down gently upon his body. He realized that the hawk was there, but he didn't know that the hawk was watching - that Rasta was watching. No one knew that Rasta could do this. No one. Not even Scath. The hawk held back a laugh as Rasta began to giggle where she was - a relatively good distance from Taj and anyone else. But she stopped the minute she saw Taj speaking the words hitting her ears as they hit the hawk's. "I appreciate beyond belief these past few days. they've been like walking through a dream, though I can't say for certain where I'm going or where I've been. For the healing powers, I can't help but be thankful. I'd be on three stilts or dead if not for them, and certainly both of us would be worse for the wear. I don't know what to do though, and I could use some advice through your wise hand. I think I love her, and I don't know how to tell her. How am I even to know if she feels the same, or if this witty banter between us is just a way she gets enough amusement to fill her day? I'm completely lost, and completely yours to guide. I just don't know how I'm to reach the other end of this maze without a helping hand." the hawk ruffled his wings as the stag paused as if thinking things over and then finishing up his speech to someone completely unseen to the hawk and Rasta. "Just stay by my side, and don't abandon your faith in me no matter what I might do. Guide me with a soft hand back onto the path I'm meant to walk should I stay, and don't be loose with your gifts. I appreciate already what I've been given. Thank you," At that moment Taj lifted his head back up and Rasta froze a little. His eyes were a vibrant blue. She had taken pride that she never judged upon looks - but upon character. But he was more handsome than she could have assumed. The hawk let out a short call into the night, singing a little song from his perch before sweeping down and landing upon Taj's back even though he couldn't really feel anything. The hawk continued to sing the song - though softer than before. A beacon for Rasta to concentrate upon as she started her short trek towards Taj again. Rasta bounced forwards - her strides snappy and high as she allowed her Arabian heritage to show through. Listening in her head to the song and feeling the vibrations as Taj moved around, lingering in the spot as the sun began to fall. She picked up her pace - afraid he might leave once the sun had finally set. And as she closed in she was as silent as she could be. Her hawk fluttering off of his back and into the sky again as she hid in the last bits of trees and shadows. "Oh beauty, beyond me belief. How you tempt me, with your fiery steel teeth. How I long to reach out and touch you! Yet I know how foolish it would be. I cannot touch the sun, nor can I capture the moon. Yet, I can dream. Forever, that will be the strongest part of me. the part that endlessly longs for you," She felt her heart flutter a little - her mind twisting the words around in to a meaning. He would try, he would fight for her. He would try and do anything for her. If he could go to the sun, if he could capture the moon for her he would. And if it wasn't possible he would dream that he could as long as he would live. Her heart continued to flutter as she fought whether or not she should emerge from the shadows or not. He seemed to be having a conversation with himself - just not out loud, more like a fight with his conscience or the voices which everyone carried around in their heads. He seemed to be fighting something inside of him. Something she obviously couldn't figure out no matter how hard she tried. But the thing that caused her to move was when her hawk caught sight of the tear sliding down his cheek. Her heart ripped from her chest as she watched him in this pain - looking at the stars. The stars she didn't want to see, she preferred to imagine them. She didn't want to be disappointed by what they looked like. That, the sunrise, and the sunset were three things she would never allow the hawk to show her. She enjoyed believing in her images of them instead of what they actually were. Shifting forward she allowed her hooves to click against a few of the rocks in warning before arriving at his side, nudging the tear away delicately. "My dear Taj, what is troubling you?" she whispered, allowing her side to just barely rub against his. Something beat inside of her letting her know that his feelings for her were mirrored in her and a tiny smile graced her lips for a few mere moments before immediately disappearing. He was crying over something and she didn't quite enjoy that idea. The hawk circled down again, landing on her back and calling out the song once more. "Please, I don't want you to be sad, pookie-bear. It is not right for someone as close to me to be sad. It causes me to be sad also - and I don't want either of us to have to be sad..." she whispered, nudging his shoulder gently before leaning in a little bit closer. "Describe the stars to me, if you don't wish to explain. I don't mind what you do, as long as I can feel that smile upon your face again..." she said, allowing the wind to take her tail and cause it to wrap around his legs just slightly as the night breeze blew in. Strangely, it wasn't chilling it was just calming. It didn't even seem that cold out here anymore. She could feel the chunks of ice as it slid down the stream in front of them and calmness of the world as most all animals slept. It was calm, and it felt safe. The world felt safe for once. She enjoyed feeling safe. She enjoyed not having to worry about the war that was impending upon them. She enjoyed just being able to spend this time with Taj. Despseratley, she hoped that this wouldn't end. That the world could stay like this for quite some more time. It was so calming. But a tiny reminder from her hawk reminded her that the world could not stay like this. That the world always enjoyed putting her through hell. That nothing ever enjoyed going her way. The world seemed to have a vendetta against her and her happiness. It enjoyed forcing her to live in a world where people continually got close to her and then ripped her heart out. But it felt different with Taj. She didn't think that he would leave her like that. He might die on her. But she was going to try and make sure that didn't happen if he really did love her. She would go through the pain of making him immortal also so that she didn't lose him. She couldn't lose him. She wouldn't lose. That was her final verdict on the situation. My darling, you dream too much. You hope for too much. Nothing can go quite that well... Her hawk reminded her and she fought back the urge to shake her head. It was true. But she wanted it. She wanted it more than anything. And she would fight for it. There was no way Rasta was going to allow someone else whom she loved to slip out of her grasp...

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==Into the Mind
. Word Count 1800
. Notes - Rasta ish sad
. Muse - Really high
. Tags - Taj

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Header and Coding Copyright - Abba
Do Not Steal

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[Snowflake Smoky]

If he wanted to, Taj didn't think he could count all the stars in the midnight sky. He knew it was cliche, to dream of such a thing, but it might be nice to spend from dusk to dawn counting them as they appeared. It would be harder, he knew, to count them as they took their bow and exited. He imagined life as a start be so much grander than just being a pinpoint of light in the sky. He could almost imagine that when they were hidden from view, they danced with one another and had such merrymaking to make the richest princess envious. The only thing grander than being a star would be being the sun or the moon, but he expected an honor that great was reserved for the greatest of heroes. He was hardly worthy of such a thing, but it didn't matter. He could aim for the moon, but he couldn't have it. He could be a star though, and be the brightest smile in the sky. There was nothing to stop him from achieving that, was there? He'd miss things horribly when he passed though. He'd miss the sound of rushing waters, and the company of Rasta and her hawk. There would be great peace in being a star, a great silence. It wouldn't change that he'd never be able to take Rasta with him though, and that was the part that hurt the most. He could beg, and he could plead, but she couldn't leave. The curse of an alpha was to exist for near forever. The clattering of rocks all too soon alerted him that his musings were to come to an end. The faintest of touches rubbed over his side, and then she was there. She was asking what was upsetting him, treating him so much better than he deserved. He still wasn't sure that he could answer, explain to her where he was coming from. She deserved an answer though. It was tearing him up inside, to have to contemplate something like this. Her hawk started to sing again, and a smile twitched at the edge of his lips. The hawk had been good, if quiet, company through the day. He hardly even noticed the spectral presence most of the time.

"I do believe the lady doth protest too much. All you need to do is ask me to stop. If sorrow isn't on the playbill, then I suppose I'll just have to improvise something else. I don't want to trouble you with the weights on my own mind dear heart. You need not be dwelling on the same sad scenes I've been seeing all day." When Taj finally let it flow, it came out naturally. He couldn't necessarily mastermind something near original as pookie-bear, which he wouldn't mention to Rasta seemed just the slightest bit demeaning, but he could certainly attempt an endearing phrase. "Ah, the stars. It makes me... not sad, but wistful that you can not see them. They're the most perfect sight you'd ever see. They're nothing more than speckles of white on a canvas of black velvet, and yet the encompass so much more. The moon herself can't compare to the splendor of all her companions. I wish someday to be among them, to gaze down at earth with a friendly expression. For they always seem to be smiling. I've not yet seen a star that look as if it isn't happy, joyous even with existence. It would indeed be a fine thing to be a star. Someday I'll watch from the heavens, as they do. There are so many legends about stars, so many others inspired by them. And yet, I know not whether my wish to dwell among them after I pass is unique. Yet, I know that ultimately I want to dance among them some time far from now. They twinkle and glimmer, winking at me as if they know what I desire. Perhaps, that which gave us a miracle was a star. I'd very much like to meet a star if I can't be one. I'm sure they're simply fantastic company." He faded off into silence as he realized that he was rambling. He'd gotten his point across, and so had Rasta. The tears were gone from his eyes, and a smile graced his lips. The stars were very much something he wished she could see. He could feel her tail tickling his back legs as the wind blew, and he didn't have to see it to know that her platinum hair would make for a fantastic contrast with his own deep black. Just another thing that made the night beautiful. Another reason not to tell her what was on his mind. He was far to afraid that he'd ruin the situation. The hawk was glaring at him though, from its post on Rasta's back. Even if it was silent, there was plenty of communication in the look. It was time to start talking.

The words came slowly, because he wasn't sure of exactly what to say. "Heavens Rasta, I'm sorry. I simply can't avoid it at this point. This isn't going to be the happiest of muses, so hopefully it'll be over shortly. I also can't say that I've gone about this before, so I'm not exactly certain how I should be going about it." He paused, and drew in a deep breath. The next words were shakier, uncertain. He was sailing uncharted waters, and he didn't want to hit an iceberg. "I can't exactly deny my feelings Rasta. And you deserve to know. I know we haven't know another very long, and I know that before the past week we didn't spend huge amounts of time together...ButIthinkIloveyou." It was exactly the delivery he'd been hoping for, what with the crowing of the phrase. "Who am I kidding, I do love you. Until recently I thought I had no hope of you feeling the same way. You're the most beautiful, caring, compassionate, wonderful mare I've ever met. I don't want to lose you, and I don't want to lose my chance with you. So I guess this is me asking you to stick around for a while and humor me, maybe even more than that. I can understand if you don't want to, and if that's the case I'll leave you be. But more than anything right now, I just want to spend the rest of whatever time I've got with you. And then, once I'm one of those bright beautiful pinpoints of light, I'll spend the rest of eternity shining, smiling, and waiting for you." The nerves in his belly were going wild, but at least what he'd pondered was out in the open. She could have her say in the matter now, and maybe her hawk would stop pressuring him to admit everything that had crossed his mind. The creature was surprisingly forceful, even for its lack of words. He wished it would speak though, for perhaps it could tell him what it was like to view things from above. He'd ask about flying too, for it must be just a wonderful feeling. Maybe, just maybe, everything would work out after all.

Word Count; 1207

[Abba]

[atrb=border,0,false][bg=#8d9091][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,500px,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" Silent whispers, silent tears Rasta could feel him smile and waited as he spoke, laughing herself at his name. But, of course, her mind had truly failed her at the moment that she was to speak that out. With a slight shrug she rested her head against his shoulder listening as he spoke. "I do believe the lady doth protest too much. All you need to do is ask me to stop. If sorrow isn't on the playbill, the I supposed I'll just have to improvise something else. I don't want to trouble you with the weights on my own mind dear heart. You need not be dwelling on the same sad scenes I've been seeing all day." he explained, his voice flowing into her ears easily as she slowly allowed the words to be depicted in her brain. His dear heart? She closed her eyes and let out a small breath, a smile slowly creeping up into her lips - her face lighting up a bit more. "Ah, the stars. It makes me... not sad, but wistful that you cannot see them. They're the most perfect sight you'd ever see. They're nothing more than speckles of white on a canvas of black velvet. And yet they encompass so much more. The moon herself can't compare to the splendor of all her companions. I wish someday to be among them, to gaze down at earth with a friendly expression. For they always seem to be smiling. I've not yet seen a star that looks as if it isn't happy, joyous even, with existence. It would indeed be a fine thing to be a star. someday I'll watch from the heavens, as they do. There are so many legends about stars, so many others inspired by them. And yet, I know not whether my wish to dwell among them after I pass is unique. Yet, I know that ultimately I want to dance among them some time far from now. They twinkle and glimmer, winking at me as if they know what I desire. Perhaps, that which gave us a miracle was a star. I'd very much like to meet a star if I can't be one. I'm sure they're simply fantastic company." he faded off, his voice flowing circles around her mind as she looked up to him quietly. It felt nice to not have to worry about anything - if only he could calm himself down. Apparently her hawk agreed because he gave Taj a pointed look and Taj spoke up again. He seemed unsure, his words slow - as if he was deciding the exact word before he said it each time. "Heavens Rasta, I'm sorry. I simply can't avoid it at this point. This isn't going to be the happiest of muses, so hopefully it'll be over shortly. I also can't say that I've gone about this before, so I'm not exactly certain how I should be going about it." Rasta realized exactly what he was going to say and gave him a short nudge to his chest, right around his heart before feeling him taking in a short breath - though it was still deep, and then shakily speaking again. "I can't exactly deny my feelings, Rasta-" she broke in "And that of which I've never asked you to..." and he continued "-And you deserve to know. I know we haven't known another very long, and I know that before the past week we didn't spend huge amounts of time together... ButIthinkIloveyou." He broke again and Rasta nudged his cheek getting him to finish that of which he wished to finish before she cut him off again. "Who am I kidding, I do love you. Until recently I thought I had no hope of you feeling the same way. You're the most beautiful, caring, compassionate, wonderful mare I've ever met. I don't want to lose you, and I don't want to lose my chance with you. So I guess this is me asking you to stick around for a while and humor me, maybe even more than that. I can understand if you don't want to, and it that's the case I'll leave you be. But more than anything right now, I just want to spend the rest of whatever time I've got with you. And then, once I'm one of those bright beautiful pinpoints of light, I'll spend the rest of eternity shining, smiling, and waiting for you." It was then she felt herself break a little. He really did believe in something she didn't. the afterlife. He was prepared to go to the stars - to still be around and watch her. But she was prepared to just fade from the earth and never be able to go back. She had told herself that she wouldn't cry. But, here she was, tears sliding down her cheeks. "But, Taj... I don't believe in an afterlife. I've lost too many and never seen a single trace of them again..." she broke, feeling her throat tighten up. "I think I love you to. I really do." she paused, shaking her head in an attempt to pull the tears from her eyes as her hawk gave off its tiny, soft song. It pulled her back a little bit. More than she had expected it to and she looked at him. "Of course I'll stay around. But, I know there's a tale - a way to make another horse immortal. It would require a bit of work, yes, but I know it exists. If I could - would you? Taj. I can't lose someone again - have them fade into the background and never come back..." She paused, her mind tumbling backwards over his words. Beautiful, caring, compassionate, wonderful mare... She was not beautiful. And she was not wonderful. "I'm not... I'm not beautiful either - my star - I'm a broken mare with a coat that is dull and nearly gone - eyes that scare most off because of their cream, monotone colour, and a spectral hawk to keep me safe. It's not that I don't appreciate it, but I'm not beautiful. I'm just... I'm incapable of it..." she broke again her mind sliding farther back into his speech, when he had just barely begun to talk. ...but wistful that you can not see them... she looked up at him. "I can see, Taj. But there are three things I told myself I would never see. My hawk gives me eyes - I can see when I wish to see. I mostly prefer not to. Just like today I could see you standing around, I could see your blue eyes that sparkle as you described the sky. Your golden coat with black stockings curling up around your front legs. Your white markings-" she paused to point out the white points upon his body "And your charcoal mane and tail blowing around in the wind. I never want to see the sky, or the sunrise or sunset. I have an image in my mind of them which I form from others telling me things and I don't ever want to be disappointed on something like that. I find beauty in being able to see those things. And I find beauty in the living objects around us. In your eyes, in your smile, in the way you move, in the way you care. Don't... just don't, feel bad that I cannot see the stars up there - as I have a beautiful image of it twisting around in my head that allows me to whisper and changed it to my mood as I so please. Me not seeing it gives me the freedom to always be amazed by it..." she broke, the tears continuing to fall. "But my dear star, I am not beautiful. I may be caring, and I may be compassionate, but I am not beautiful. I am not wonderful. For all wonderful things bring peace and I have killed. I don't want to kill, I didn't want to kill, but I have. I have had their blood upon my pelt. I've been through more pain than most that walk upon these lands, and it has gotten rid of any belief in a higher power. In something that can grant these things for other people. I believe in magic - I believe it exists and is only a small trek away from our normal behaviors. But I do not believe that someone decides our fates for us. And I do not believe I am the beautiful mare you can so see..." Her hawk curled up into the sky, circling them in the night and then landing upon Taj's back. He was not very happy with Rasta at the moment but she no longer cared. She knew she couldn't lose Taj - not if he definitely felt the same way. She looked up at him for a few seconds before dropping her head, looking away. Her side still pressed up against his as she closed her eyes, the wind still intermingling their tails together as she closed her eyes. She needed Taj. She needed to know she wouldn't have to go through even more pain...

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==Into the Mind
. Word Count 1548
. Notes - Rasta ish sad and afraid she is going to lose him...
. Muse - Really high
. Tags - Taj

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Header and Coding Copyright - Abba
Do Not Steal

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[Snowflake Smoky]

All too soon it seemed, both parties were crying. It didn’t matter that they should be rejoicing in the fact that their feelings were returned. Instead they were lamenting, deep keening feelings making themselves apparent. The painted creature should’ve felt triumphant, like he’d won a great battle, when Rasta announced that she felt the same. Instead he just felt like shattered glass. There wasn’t anything cheerful here anymore, despite her caresses in an attempt to make him happy. She didn’t believe, didn’t have the kind of faith that he did in a power beyond. That didn’t change how he felt, but it certainly made it harder. “Rasta, you have to understand. It’s the only thing I can put stock by, the only way I can tell myself that it’s okay to keep living each day like nothing is ever going to change. As long as there’s a day when I can dance on forever as part of the heavens then I know that it’s okay. I know it’s okay to die.” Her offer though, that was the real breath stealer. She was offering to give him something that most creatures would kill for, at her own expense. It wasn’t fair to ask that of her, and he wouldn’t take it even if it was the easiest thing in the world. “No Rasta, just no. I can’t imagine anyone I’d want an eternity with more, someone who’s company I adore more. But I can’t. It’s not fair to ask of you, and besides. I don’t believe in magic. There’s no such thing. I don’t want to live forever, even if it’s the most enjoyable time I’d ever have. I’m utterly normal, and I don’t want to change that. I can’t explain the miracle of healing, but I certainly can’t set store in the idea that I’d never die. No matter who I’d be with, it would be the loneliest time in the world. I’ve lost people too, and the only way I can cope with that is knowing that if I give the world a few years I’ll see them again. Sooner or later Rasta, I want to die. I don’t want to leave you, but I don’t want to last that wrong. It’s not right. Save it for someone that the world needs more. ”

“Don’t deny truths Rasta. You’re beautiful. You’ve got a coat that glimmers like spun gold in the sun, and hair that’s a shade the world’s never seen before. Your eyes are capturing, entrancing. Too many people are afraid of being caught to look, and even more are afraid to look away. Your soul is what makes you beautiful though. You’ve got an ocean of understanding, miles of patience, and the very incarnation of who you are flying around with you. Who could deny that you’re beautiful?” So she could see. That wasn’t the world’s greatest revelation. Somehow it fit that she’d devise another way to view the world around her. There was a sliver of irritation though, not that she’d withheld the information, but that she’d been lingering watching him all day without truly being there. “Never again do such a thing, I beg you. It’s more than reasonable to desire to be in my company in the flesh, but the even the patient need their time to seek out a solution to the problems of the world. I care not how you envision me, but heavens either stand by my side or leave me be. Much of what I contemplated today was of a sensitive nature, but even more than that what I spoke was for my ears and for whatever speckling teardrop on the velvet listens to my whims. Your hawk is of the most silent of natures, but with the gift he gives you, there are more honorable things to do than snoop.”

Taj’s very doubt in the power of magic came from his faith in something else. Everything was granted by his stars, and while they might gift someone with something it was that figure’s incarnation in life. There was no such thing as magic. Everything was very very real, just granted by the hands of someone else. It pestered him so that if she’d been given the gift she wouldn’t use it. How unsurprising that she lacked faith when she refused to see. “But Rasta! It’s your very choice not to take a glimpse such a thing that blinds you to it! How can you say that an afterlife doesn’t exist when you won’t raise yourself to see it! If I had kept such a thing from myself all my life I’d have a lack of belief in it too, but when I can see them dancing for me I know that I’ll be alright. Whatever watches over us gave you the ability to search for it. I beg you, raise your spectral eyes and see. Dearest, put your faith in something beyond yourself. Let your tears of sorrow turn to tears of joy, for while the dreamers may dream, what they see only enhances their visions.” Despite Rasta’s apparently noble intentions, it was amusing to Taj that her hawk would take the time to side with him. He felt no weight from the thing now resting on his back, though it illuminated his spine with a soft glow. He glanced back at it, his own cheeks dried but Rasta’s continually moistened by her tears. “This is nothing more than a hand to guide you on your path, much like I was begging for this afternoon. I see not the path in front of me, not very clearly the steps behind that I’ve taken. But never have I walked alone. Always, a star has walked beside me. Even when the sun is high in the sky, even when the clouds shield them from view, there’s a million fellows making sure that I do nothing wrong. How could I not want to return the favor to some poor young sap someday? Even if there were a million earthly pleas asking me to remain, I couldn’t. No, we’ll both just have to accept our different views. I love you dear heart, but I simply can’t linger here forever. Leave the matter be.”

Taj almost felt the need to step away and breathe. Rasta was huddled up against him like a wilting flower though, and he couldn’t abandon her to the forces of the night. Even if they refused to see matters from the same side, he’d be around for a while longer. He wouldn’t leave her for as long as he was here, no matter what they might face. “Think of something cheerier love. Tell me, what do you see when you envision the stars. There’s dozens of poems from poet’s visions of them you know. Certainly you have your own.” Taj wanted to nudge the spectral thing on his back into flight, making it soar away and leave the situation. Much as he was fond of it, it was harder to deny Rasta’s beliefs when something that she could so easily call magic lingered there. It was no good, for he knew that if he attempted it his snout would only pass through what felt like empty air. Maybe it was right for it to be there then. Maybe it was for Rasta what the stars were for Taj. Who was he to answer such questions anyway. For all knew the hawk itself was just a fallen star, lighting up the night far from the companionship of its fellows. Wouldn’t that be nice?

[Abba]

[atrb=border,0,false][bg=#8d9091][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,500px,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" Goodbye, you never know He stood there, attempting to explain why he believed the way he did. His words, flooding her brain and she felt almost forced into the situation. "If there is no magic, if there is no such thing, then how can you heal, then how can there even be such a thing as a higher power which you speak of. Magic is simply a medium of which he - she, whatever that being is that you are so insistant about - must work through. I don't understand how someone cannot believe in magic but believe in a higher power." She felt her body break though as he began to become irritated with her and she moved away, edging back towards the tree - but unable to call her hawk back to her side. Her hawk would not leave him - like her hawk had followed him today. She hadn't minded in - in fact she had been happy that she had a part of her watching over him, even if she hadn't been there. But he was mad. He was mad that her hawk had been there. She choked up on her words at the moment. "I can't-" she broke, shaking her head. "I- My hawk won't follow me. My hawk chose to go with you. I tried to get him back. But he insisted upon staying. You say that I am snooping, but I was merely attempting to figure out where he was..." she stopped, not wanting to explain herself anymore. She could feel her heart breaking as she stood there. She was a mess. A broken, torn, mess. Don't you leave. If you leave you will not see the two of us again except when you are 'snooping' upon him. her hawk warned and it caused her to plant herself into the ground. She shook away her tears, them obviously not changing anything. "And I don't deny the truth. For I am not beautiful. But my gut tells me you are going to say beauty is in the eye of the beholder..." she broke off, feeling him now slightly annoyed that she didn't dare to glimpse up at the stars. "You want me to see the stars. Fine. I'll look. I'll look. I've heard stories of kings. Of queens. Of past warriors. Of the brilliant minds. I've heard them all. I've looked to them for guidance before I ever gained my sight - my hawk - and not once did I get something in return. The only thing I was ever granted was this curse. This curse that forbids me from ever really being with someone for the rest of my life. Maybe for their life, but not for mine. I'm tired of losing all of those that I become close to - all of those that I give my heart to. I'm tired of losing them. I just want to have those that I care for around me. Where I can see them. Where I can touch them. Where I can feel their breath, and hear their voice. Can you promise me that when you are up there that you can talk to me. That you can give me all of that. You can't. I'm sorry. But, in my head the after life will never exist. The after life is another curse for me, if it does. Because the after life should simply send me to Hell for receiving such magic. For killing those that I've had to. Someone who is like me - and who believes - goes to Hell. I'm going to Hell, Taj. Hell." She paused, the words her hawk told her shifting around in her head. "I love you. And if you so pass, I am passing also. I will find a way - even if it means I must seek out Scath and plead with him to take my life." she said, demanding him to understand where she was coming from before he instructed they switched topics. She took in a few short breaths - collecting herself before she continued. "The stars. The sky - turning from a beautiful painting of reds, oranges, pinks, and purples fades into a darker black. An all encompassing black. The moon slides into place - lighting up what it wishes to light up. One by one a tiny beacon of light slides into view on this black abyss. It is not for good. It is not for bad. But it causes one to pause and think. It is there to give everyone a new light - remind everyone that things could change easily. These stars fade in an out - some forming pictures, some just placed in the sky as ornaments. But they shine brightly - as brightly as they need to in order to receive the attention they deserve. They hide when necessary, and they appear as needed. They are there for looks, almost like a celebration of life without any real meaning. Like flowers in a field they are there for beauty - to remind others that life exists. To tell people not to give up. The sky constantly changing, sometimes the moon not even appearing only to have the light of the stars attempt to light up the sky. Though - they can't really light up much. Just make the sky dotted. They are not there to tell anyone anything. In fact, they are incapable of it. They can't speak. They can't touch. They can't come and help you. They are there for looks, and nothing more. They are pretty much like me. Something lost in the world without a way out." She stopped herself from crying again and her hawk let out a tiny cry to sky and Rasta closed her eyes- allowing herself to concentrate upon the hawk and see what he saw. The night sky filled her vision. Blackness shrouding everything before her eyes adjusted and white sparkling dots began to randomly appear. It was what she had imagined from all the tales - but she saw nothing that he said. Nothing that could guide. Nothing that showed those she had lost. She couldn't see it. And she dearly wanted to know they hadn't really left her side - the pictures of her friends gone from her mind. Everything about them basically gone. Just sad horrible memories that would come up at the worst moments. Then, her hawk gave out a small song again - almost as if he was crying for the two of them, wishing their conflicting views would finally match up again. That they would both realize magic and the stars were the same thing...

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==Into the Mind
. Word Count 1100
. Notes - Rasta is mad, and sad, and doesn't understand
. Muse - Really high
. Tags - Taj

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Header and Coding Copyright - Abba
Do Not Steal

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[Snowflake Smoky]

[atrb=border,0,false][bg=#000000][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,500px,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" Taj let the situation quiet, let Rasta speak her mind without rebuttal. He didn't really want to get into a fight with her, not over a subject on which neither of them was willing to cave. He didn't want to force her hand any more than he wanted to go through with her proposed plan. A middle ground had to exist somewhere between their debates, though he couldn't clearly see one. He had a faith she didn't, and she had a belief he didn't. They were walking in the same direction, but on opposite sides of the tracks. He didn't think she'd be the one to take the crossing, and yet he wasn't sure he was noble enough to do that in the face of his own feeling. He had to pick which parts of his argument to stand firm on, and which not to concede. He would not deny the existence of another life, for there were things he could not explain with this life alone. There was the potential that her argument of magic being the hand through which his higher-power operated was reasonable, however he wasn't about to tell her that. He didn't need her thinking that her plan to make sure she never left his side could bloom to full potential. He was going to die one of these days, though he needed to convince her that she could live on without him. He supposed that the idea of immortality would be tempting enough for some to tease her like Scath had, though it also must have an exit from this life. The Alphas of old had all died eventually. Even if she went through with her plan without permission, he wouldn't be trapped here forever. Though maybe he would get trapped in stone as a ghost and never be able to leave in the end. Her hawk was keening out another sad tune again, agitating him. They might get along in their quiet way, and have a certain friendliness about them, but he didn't believe that the hawk operated completely of its own devices. If Rasta was going to insist she couldn't control it, then he'd have a talk with the thing later. Explain exactly, explicitly, what the term privacy meant. He wasn't usually this vicious, but he couldn't help feeling imposed upon. He'd been being watched all day, and not only that he couldn't guarantee that anything was private anymore. If he'd had the choice, he'd have kept his nighttime worship from Rasta's grasp, if only so that she wouldn't catch on to the very problem that was on the table at this point. Apparently, the subject was going to be unavoidable. Maybe he needed a patronus of his own for counsel, but then again it went against the grain. "Rasta, there is no such thing as hell. Hell is a concept imagined by those who don't want to think that there could be something perfectly and completely good out there waiting for them after they're freed from the bounds in this life. Even those such as Ramaskith, in all his twisted idea and glory, for you have to admit that even as a madman he is impressively cunning, will find a place up there too. We live on, both on and off the surface of this earth, thanks to our deeds and who we are. A hero who rises up as the pillars of this battle might get to carry the sun on his shoulders for a little while before he joins the canvas of the dark. I can't know that everyone that passes ends up there, but where else would they go? The stars shine to guide us, and maybe there is one for each of us glimmering up there already. A home with the kettle on and the fire going just waiting for us to wander in and settle down. Perhaps that's what this righteous little bugger represents, the light to guide you home. I can't know Rasta, and I'm all too aware of that. But I can believe in the best, and hope for it, and maybe even catch glimpses of it here and there. I'm not going to give up on what gives me hope, and I neither will you. But we've got to compromise somehow. Living forever is not for me dearest, though I'll stay with you for as long as this body allows. We've just got to make the best of the situation we've been given. You won't go to Scath when I leave, because I want you to enjoy what we've had together not lament over what might have been. Killing yourself does nothing to improve the situation. I'm nothing more than ordinary, so horribly far from extraordinary. There are people in this war that are relying on you, and will need you even after the battles are over. So have faith corazón, the future still lies ahead." Taj wasn't done, though he certainly needed a breather. He could look up at the shining pinpoints of light and find what he needed to say, the same as Rasta could look to her silvery hawk companion for the wording that she thought would gain the most headway. They certainly couldn't answer back, but he was simply reassured by the fact that someone made sure he didn't do anything stupid. If he did they could strike him down with darkness. Perhaps that wasn't the most legitimate of ideas, but at the very least it was something to give him heart, which he needed. "I can't say that magic isn't real, because it is in worlds like yours. It doesn't exist in mine though dearest, for even the act of healing was granted by someone who saw a greater need for it. You had to heal me so that I could heal you, because the world needs you. You lead a territory that sooner or later will be a safe haven for those escaping from Ramaskith's grasp, and someone needs to lead a fight against freedom. You're perfect now love, exactly as they need you. You're going to be a pillar of hope, even if you don't lead the charge yourself. Even if you give the resistance somewhere to stake camp, they need you. You're a born and bred leader Ras, and I'm not going to take that away from you. I can be here for support, but I'm not a banner or a standard to carry. I'm just me, boring ordinary Taj, who'll go out there to tackle them when they come, but until then will stay right here. And I promise you, even when the war comes here, because it inevitably will, I won't die. I'll come back, alive and thriving." It hurt him, thinking that he would be hurting her, even by declaring that he didn't want to stay with her forever. But he didn't. He didn't want to be held to the strappings of this earth, even for someone he loved. He'd stick around for as long as he could, but then the end would come and he'd greet it as a friend. "There will be someone else, someone who exists in the future, who will make you smile even wider than I do. He'll make you want to jump over the moon, and frolic like a filly. There will be someone who's meant to exist with you forever. Someone who will want to live forever, just so that they can give the world their all. But that's not me luv. Even if I could meet the brightest star in the sky, the only thing that would deter me from my path is if one of them came down here himself and told me that there was no way that I could stand among them. Then maybe I wouldn't want to leave earth, if only so that I could spend an eternity staring at them. Otherwise, I'll give up on my dream no more than you'll give up on yours. A stalemate isn't beautiful love. So maybe we're best off leaving it be. Nature has provided nothing to prove me contrary, nor any to prove you a false sentiment either. It's a matter of perspective, and until a shift takes place, we'll stare at each other as estranged lovers and not know what to make of the situation. You could even keep a piece of me to hold onto, for I won't let you follow me into the dark. Let the dreamers dream. They wander off into history with beautiful imaginations and creative stories. Let's live a legend love, something that deserves retelling for years to come. Puedo tener este baile, mi senora? Until this beautiful night comes to a close?"

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==Behind the Scenes
. Word Count -1458
. Notes - -_- He's so not subtle
. Muse - decent
. Tags - Rasta

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Header and Coding Copyright - Abba
Do Not Steal

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[Abba]

[atrb=border,0,false][bg=#8d9091][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,500px,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" I'm giving up on everything Rasta's mind slowly wandered into oblivion. She didn't know what was going on. She didn't know what she was thinking. She just knew that nothing seemed to be falling into place. She didn't like this. Not one bit. It was scaring her more than anything. It was causing her to worry as she stood there. Why was it that they couldn't both see everything the same way? Why was it that nothing could fit together? It was slowly beginning to tear her apart. Why could nothing fit? Why could nothing at all fit?! She just wanted everything to be right again - as simple as it had been before. She glared at her bird who was sitting patiently upon Taj's back. Turning slightly she flt the hawk's eyes boring into her back and she shuddered. She shouldn't have to be worrying about this. Taj shouldn't have to be worrying about this. Yet, here they were - bickering about this. She believed in magic. He believed in a higher power. She believed in magic helping to guide. He believed that guidance came from the stars. She believed magic only came in when it was the most necessary for it. He believed things such as the healings were gifts from the stars. It was stupid - that they were fighting over something that was the same. They were just calling it different things. Though, she didn't know if she would ever be able to explain it. She couldn't wrap her head around his belief enough to explain them as the same thing. And he couldn't understand her strong foothold in magic to relate the two, or so it seemed. But, as she stood there - feeling highly betrayed by her hawk who was seemingly siding with Taj. The stars meant nothing to her. Nothing more than a form of beauty to fill the world with. Nothing more than to remind others of life - and to give others reasons to be alive. They gave no guidance. They gave no words. They gave no feelings. They couldn't touch you. They couldn't breathe anyways. They couldn't do anything - expect stay in the sky and sparkle. She broke and looked towards him. She needed to get away. She needed to be able to think. She needed her hawk not to be bothering her with every choice she made. Do this. Don't do that. You're stupid for falling for him. You don't know what you want. You can't control yourself. You are inconsolable. You're impulsive. You fall to easily. You can't see the harm that he might cause. You need to learn this. NO! Don't do that! How dare you try and help them. They don't deserve your help! You need to stay away from everyone. You need to fight for what you believe in. Stop being so weak. Can't you learn to fend for yourself. Don't you see the harm that it might cause your little body. If that stag gets his hands on you again you're dead. But what do you care - you're an Alpha! No one is supposed to touch you! the hawk's previous comments flooding into her brain and she shook her head violently trying to get rid of it. Except as she shook her head the hawk let out a shrill laugh - taking to the sky but moments before so as to not harm the horses' sensitive ears. His voice pounding into her skull and she staggered backwards slightly, catching her footing from the shock of the loudness which he was able to achieve. You piece of scum! Don't you understand everything you've done wrong?! You don't deserve someone like him. In fact - you don't even deserve someone like Rama. You are one of the worst horses I have ever seen. I don't understand how you can work with this, this mindset. You are so afraid of being alone that you are threatening to kill yourself to be with this stag! God. Get your head straight you poor little mare. Were you so broken by Scath that you can't see the world as it actually is, Rasta. The world is a blood-bath. Something you don't want to accept. Something even Rama can see. You shouldn't even be alive. These healing powers were only supposed to make you realize death is a little outlook away from the world. Don't you dare forget that. DON'T YOU DARE! His voice continued to get louder and louder. Each word slowly turning screechier and screechier. She winced, flinching away from the situation. She could just barely hear Taj's voice over the screaming in her head and she so desperately attempted to concentrate upon it. But it was so difficult. It was like trying to walk with a horrible migraine that was causing pain with each step. "Rasta, there is no such thing as hell. Hell is a concept imagined by those who don't want to think that there could be something perfectly and completely good out there waiting for them after they're freed from the bounds in this life. Even those such as Ramaskith, in all his twisted idea and glory, for you have to admit that even as a madman he is impressively cunning, will find a place up there too." he said and then the hawk shouted again covering some of Taj's words But hell does exist. HELL is where you are going. I hope you are happy with yourself - trying to pull him down there with you when all he wants is to go up to the stars. The STARS not Hell. The hawk let out a shrill cry piercing the sky and then Rasta was able to concentrate again. "We live on, both on and off the surface of this earth, thanks to our deeds and who we are. A hero who rises up as the pillars of this battle might get to carry the sun on his shoulders for a little while before he joins the canvas of the dark. I can't know that everyone that passes ends up there, but where else would they go? The stars shine to guide us, and maybe there is one for each of us glimmering up there already. A home with the kettle on and the fire going just waiting for us to wander in and settle down. Perhaps that's what this righteous little bugger represents, the light to guide you home. I can't know Rasta, and I'm all too aware of that. But I can believe in the best, and hope for it, and maybe even catch glimpses of it here and there. I'm not going to give up on what gives me hope, and I neither will you. But we've got to compromise somehow. Living forever is not for me dearest, though I'll stay with you for as long as this body allows. We've just got to make the best of the situation we've been given. You won't go to Scath when I leave, because I want you to enjoy what we've had together not lament over what might have been. Killing yourself does nothing to improve the situation. I'm nothing more than ordinary, so horribly far from extraordinary. There are people in this war that are relying on you, and will need you even after the battles are over. So have faith corazón, the future still lies ahead." His words surprised her and it took her a few moments to pull back into everything only to have her hawk screech again. Can you not see that the world is not your friend. No matter how good you try and be while you are alive you are going to Hell. You're a poor excuse for an Alpha. You cannot help anyone. And no one can help you. You are a failure. A failure at life. A failure at everything. You need to give up. You need to learn that nothing will ever go your way. NOTHING. Can't you see that the world does not enjoy your presence. Rama will take good care of you - make sure your death is slow and painful as it deserves to be - a loud, evil cackle filled the sky as the hawk swirled down, pretending to cut into Rasta's flesh though it did no harm and then swooped back up into the sky - and you will not have to worry about these silly, childish wishes. Not at all. Not for one more second. You said you wanted death if you couldn't have him. Well, we will let him join you in death - except you will go to Hell and he will go to the stars. So you won't even have him. You'll have no one. Can't you see the pain you are causing him if you allow yourselves to grow any closer. Even the slightest bit closer. He'll be in emotional pain if you die during the war. And you won't be in the stars for him when he joins you. You are pathetic - what you are doing to these poor stallions. You are ruining their lives... Rasta backed up, hitting the tree behind her and shaking her head - tears falling from her eyes like a waterfall. "I want you to shut up! Shut up! Shut UP! SHUT UP!" she screamed at her hawk. "I DIDN'T ASK YOUR OPINION, YOU HAWK!" her voice trembled and her body shook drastically as the panic from all the screaming in her head caused her body to go on overdrive. Taj was looking up to the stars and her hawk was laughing again - flying around and causing some of the stars to look as if they had tails because of his spectral beams flying out from around him. The night seemed to dance around his form - a few more stars appearing in the sky while some others disappeared only to come back brighter than before. Rasta didn't know what to think anymore. She couldn't think straight. she didn't know what she was going to do. And then, of course, Taj spoke again - his voice slowly bringing her back to the present situation. "I can't say that magic isn't real, because it is in worlds like yours. It doesn't exist in mine though dearest, for even the act of healing was granted by someone who saw a greater need for it. You had to heal me so that I could heal you, because the world needs you. You lead a territory that sooner or later will be a safe haven for those escaping from Ramaskith's grasp, and someone needs to lead a fight against freedom. You're perfect now love, exactly as they need you. You're going to be a pillar of hope, even if you don't lead the charge yourself. Even if you give the resistance somewhere to stake camp, they need you. You're a born and bred leader Ras, and I'm not going to take that away from you. I can be here for support, but I'm not a banner or a standard to carry. I'm just me, boring ordinary Taj, who'll go out there to tackle them when they come, but until then will stay right here. And I promise you, even when the war comes here, because it inevitably will, I won't die. I'll come back, alive and thriving." He would come back? She would still have him. His words were conflicting with what the hawk had been telling her - and she so desperately wished to listen to Taj. But it was so hard when the hawk was screaming at her. He swooped down again, this time his claws aiming for her useless eyes as his body went directly through her skull. She had a weird sensation where the claws should have pierced her body causing her to stagger backwards before he spoke again. Dumb. Don't listen to him. He doesn't know what he's talking about. He won't be here for you. NO ONE will be here for you. NO ONE is ever here for you. Just give up. Go crying to Scath. Go beg him to take your life. You sicken me. SICKEN me. I wish I didn't have to be around you all the time. I wish I didn't have to be a part of you. You don't understand the world. You can't seem to grasp the horrors of it. I would be better suited for someone like Rama. Someone who understands the pain that the world is supposed to inflict. Go on. Keep crying. Keep telling yourself that it isn't supposed to happen. Or. Better yet. Go ask Rama to kill you. That would be a fun scene. He would get to take over your land and you would get a slow and painful death. How I'd love to witness that. It would be the highlight of my short life with you. The HIGHLIGHT! Rasta almost fell down her body shaking horribly as the fear seemed to take over. "Please... Just stop. Just stop!" she pleaded, her voice unable to say anything without trembling and breaking. She shook her head a lot, fear taking over her system as she fought to keep standing. Taj seemed to think he was hurting her and he began to try and cover his tracks - trying to make her realize that there would be others. "There will be someone else, someone who exists in the future, who will make you smile even wider than I do. He'll make you want to jump over the moon, and frolic like a filly. There will be someone who's meant to exist with you forever. Someone who will want to live forever, just so that they can give the world their all. But that's not me luv. Even if I could meet the brightest star in the sky, the only thing that would deter me from my path is if one of them came down here himself and told me that there was no way that I could stand among them. Then maybe I wouldn't want to leave earth, if only so that I could spend an eternity staring at them. Otherwise, I'll give up on my dream no more than you'll give up on yours. A stalemate isn't beautiful love. So maybe we're best off leaving it be. Nature has provided nothing to prove me contrary, nor any to prove you a false sentiment either. It's a matter of perspective, and until a shift takes place, we'll stare at each other as estranged lovers and not know what to make of the situation. You could even keep a piece of me to hold onto, for I won't let you follow me into the dark. Let the dreamers dream. They wander off into history with beautiful imaginations and creative stories. Let's live a legend love, something that deserves retelling for years to come. Puedo tener este baile, mi senora? Until this beautiful night comes to a close?" She looked up to him, confused for a moment before her hawk let out a short laugh. He asked if he could have this dance, his lady. Then he broke out laughing - twirling around in the sky as he was unable to control himself and his laughter spree. Rasta pinned her ears at her hawk before looking to Taj - the tears still in her eyes and her whole body torn from the fear that this hawk had put into her body. Go for it my darling. Let your blind eyes take you into the world of the oblivious again and live for the night. In the morning I'll bother you again and make you realize the pain which you are inflicting upon this poor boys soul. She swallowed once, shaking her head to push the voice out before stepping up to Taj and resting her maw against his chest. "I would love to," she whispered closing her eyes for a second before stepping up right beside him and allowing the wind to blow her tail into his causing the colours to intermingle again. She could feel his breathing along with his heartbeat. And her panicked state slowly began to die down so that it was completely gone. Her body calm her heart rate began to match his. It caused a warm feeling to radiate down through her body. It was an interesting feeling as she rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. "I'm sorry for being so horrible... I ruin most everything and I really don't deserve to be an alpha - or loved by anyone... I really don't want to mess this up..." she whispered, opening her eyes. A few tears fell and her hawk circled the two of them - offering one last song as a reminder to Rasta. He was taunting her and he was so absolutely amused but it that he did not plan upon stopping. Without further ado he pulled out from the area and flew into the trees - his blue spectral colours highlight the trees for a bit. It created a slightly eerie feeling but it was also calming in a way. "I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong..." she finished off before allowing her maw to nuzzle his cheek for a moment and then waiting to see what would happen. Why couldn't the world just be right for once..

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==Into the Mind
. Word Count 2916
. Notes - Rasta is losing her head
. Muse - Really high
. Tags - Taj

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Header and Coding Copyright - Abba
Do Not Steal

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[Snowflake Smoky]

[atrb=border,0,false][bg=#000000][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,500px,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" There was a mounting irritation in Taj's body, a soft slow flame that was wanting to rise up against the hawk. The hawk had been silent, supportive, but now he was terrorizing Rasta and needed to be done away with. He would admit, he hadn't minded having someone else on his side of this fight, but there was something just plain odd about the spectral creatures. He was grateful when the now detestable thing fled the scene in favor of, well somewhere else, which was currently the preferable option Taj's mind. He hated seeing Rasta like this, so upset with herself and with the world. It made something deep inside rip and tug. All he wanted to do was protect her from the world, and he was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he ought to stick around with her for a while. After all, immortality couldn't really be forever. It was just an eternity of life, an eternity of getting to enjoy the beauty of the world before going to sleep with a restful peaceful mind. After all, his own desires mattered just as much as Rasta's, but if he really loved her why wouldn't he stick around for as long as she wanted him to be there? He hadn't even realized, while he was thinking, that he'd been humming under his breath. It was an old tune, taught to him by his mother, in Spanish. A lullaby really, the story of which didn't really matter. The soft tune was comforting in the disturbing absence of silence after the fleeing of the bird. It didn't take much effort to move from hum into song, his voice adapting to the tune as best it could. He wasn't the most graced of singers, but he could carry the tune for most of the song. He just hoped it made Rasta happy. It helped him think as well, which was an extremely necessary part of this situation. There were so many things swirling about in his mind. If he was going to be sticking around for as long as Rasta wanted him, there were a few things that Taj wanted as well. He wasn't sure how to broach the subjects though. What was easier to discuss- the desire for children or the desire for a herd? The first would mean asking Rasta to put herself through the trauma of pregnancy and birth, the second would be asking her to share him with at least one other mare. He wasn't entertaining either thought for very long, though perhaps if he gave her what she wanted she'd be easier to negotiate with. It wasn't that he was discontent with the thought of just having Rasta, but more that when he thought of family he thought big. She could approve every decision he made, if it made her more content, approve anyone he brought home to share space. He wasn't even sure that he wanted to have children with anyone else. He just wanted to see more than one person content with life, safe from Ramaskith's detestable hand, and enjoying good company. Really, was that so wrong? In his mind it was the perfect utopia, and as long as Rasta was willing to go along with it. Perhaps it would have to warrant more serious discussion. He didn't want any more fighting though, so perhaps if it would end their feuding it would be well worth the while. To ask for a closer family though, to ask her to bare a foal for nine months so that he could see himself in miniature. It was no small favor to beg, and he didn't want to insult her. He knew nothing of her past besides Scath's mistreatment. How could he be certain that she didn't have children already? When one had an eternity, what did one make of it? What if she questioned him on his sudden reversal of opinion as well? What if she just declared him a lying cheat, and walked away? He didn't think he deserved it, but heavens he didn't want to push her over the edge. Hadn't she said it was just a legend as well? Maybe there was no way for him to gain immortality after all. If he just went along with the idea, maybe things would work out just fine. If it would placate his dearest, maybe it would be best to settle the ship ashore and walk down the path with her. There was never going to be a way to deal with the situation, as his silent friend would remind him. Except his silent friend apparently wasn't so silent in Rasta's head, which would be a lecture to be had later. He shuddered inside, loathing the thought of ever acquiring a ghostly companion of his own. Unless it was something completely nonthreatening and unable to think at an advanced level, say a ladybug, he would likely go mad from it. He'd do his best to stray from that path then, avoiding the silvery silhouettes. Even if they did sparkle like the stars, he didn't like the idea that they could be as vicious as Rasta's little pet seemed to be. He was rambling though, bumbling through his own thoughts with no elegance or creativity. He'd just have to approach the subject the same way he'd approached the first one, with head held low honesty, and a brutal sense of self-worth. If she didn't want it, the idea stopped there. "I suppose it's a night for brutal honesty and silly propositions love. I've got a few more that won't leave my mind. I told you I was simply wandering before our meeting a few days ago. I meandered through the countryside, and it was lovely, really, but it was lonely too. I don't ever want to be alone again love, even when you and I have to be apart. Cricket, I'm bad at this Ras. Very simply, I want a family. Heavens, this is absolutely awkward to say, but I want to be a father Rasta. I want to see new life, and know that it's my job to nurture it. I want to set an example, and there's no one I'd rather see that day with. I want a herd too, a whole collection of the nicest people to live with. I can understand if it doesn't appeal to you love, but if we've got an eternity we might as well fill it with people we want to be around." It was pathetic, he knew, to not be willing to just admit that he had changed his mind. "Ah well, hit me with your best shot love. Tell me how foolish my ideas are, so that we can get back to dancing. This night shouldn't be wasted."

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==Behind the Scenes
. Word Count - 1133
. Notes - THEY'RE GETTING SHORTER D:
. Muse - mrehh
. Tags - Rasta

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Header and Coding Copyright - Abba
Do Not Steal

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[Abba]

[atrb=border,0,false][bg=#8d9091][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,500px,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" I'm awake - but my world is half asleep Rasta looked up at him, feeling him move slightly - but not away from her. He seemed slightly relieved that he hawk had left the area. Though, of course, the hawk was still there. The hawk was always still there. The hawk enjoyed making her feel like nothing was going to happen and then coming back to bother her. It was normal - and she slightly feared what might happen if the hawk became a Daemon when he could actually harm her. It would not be good at all to have that occur - but what if she could do nothing against it. She shivered once before her audits perked up. Taj was talking again and she was slightly confused at first, trying to take it all in. "I suppose it's a night for brutal honesty and silly propositions love. I've got a few more that won't leave my mind. I told you I was simply wandering before our meeting a few days ago. I meandered through the countryside, and it was lovely, really, but it was lonely too. I don't ever want to be alone again love, even when you and I have to be apart. Cricket, I'm bad at this Ras. Very simply, I want a family. Heavens, this is absolutely awkward to say, but I want to be a father Rasta. I want to see new life, and know that it's my job to nurture it. I want to set an example, and there's no one I'd rather see that day with. I want a herd too, a whole collection of the nicest people to live with. I can understand if it doesn't appeal to you love, but if we've got an eternity we might as well fill it with people we want to be around." She looked up to him - touching her maw to his cheek. He didn't want to be alone - but then again who ever really did? It was a strange thing and it caused her to wonder if only those who were of pure evil blood - those who wished to harm others - could accomplish something like being alone their whole entire lives. She bobbed her head, a bit taken aback at his want of a family - even a herd. She felt her voice get caught in her throat as she looked towards him, flicking her tail once. "A herd..." she broke - taking in a bit of air. She simply bobbed her head a few more times before allowing her voice to emerge. "I would love a family too, though miscarriages seem to enjoy following me around - as each time I've tried I've managed to miscarry them." she dropped her head slightly. "But, a herd would be a good way for you to achieve that - even if I couldn't give it you..." she broke - holding back any of the pain that was slowly ebbing into her soul. Her hawk decided, though, that now was the perfect time to come back into the situation. Eternity my love. He wants eternity with you. He is willing to join you in Hell. You are horrible. Completely and totally horrible. How dare you take away his dream of becoming a star and having him settle for life upon this earth - taking care of a herd. You can't even have him to yourself in that situation. He wouldn't be yours. He would be everyone else's. He swooped down - pretending to steal his talons into the mare's back but only succeeding upon letting out a loud piercing cry which messed up her hearing and balance - unable to find her feet as she shuffled away. She collapsed but a few feet down before she forced herself to rise again - only to get bomb -dived again. Tears slid out of her eyes as she tried to force the hawk out of her mind - turning back towards Taj as he spoke again. "Ah well, hit me with your best shot love. Tell me how foolish my ideas are, so that we can get back to dancing. This night shouldn't be wasted." She shook her head immediately. "But... it's not foolish-" she paused finally realizing what the hawk and Taj had been saying. "Wait. Eternity. You mean... Taj!" she immediately nuzzled his neck, a smile appearing upon her face. "I love you, and I will try to give you that foal - I really will. If you so want - as I've wanted a family also. I've just never been able to... maybe the third time will be the charm." she fumbled on with her words, a few tears of joy filling her eyes as she looked towards him. Of course, the hawk appeared again - letting out his cry of protest in the sky again. You are an evil mare. A mare that doesn't deserve life. I hope Rama gets you and causes you all the pain which you so deserve. ALL of the pain. Not just kills you. But gives you the pain which you deserve - the pain which you are also inflicting upon this stag. You're soul is evil even though your mind doesn't believe that you are. You try and act nice, kind, compassionate - everything he says you are - but really you are just as bad as Ramaskith on the inside. On the inside your heart is steel, your blood burning fire. You are blind for a reason - so you don't have to see the blood of those you have killed and those that you will so that you may stay evil. The world is simply a place for you be - for you to thrive. You are trying to mask yourself. You are ruining the his life by trying to be nice, compassionate. If you really were you would let him die in peace. IN PEACE. But NO. You can't let that happen. Can you?! The hawk curled up at her poll - let out a loud cry - and then disappeared in the sky - his form dissipating immediately as if he were a cloud of smoke that had never really existed. But Rasta was tumbling backwards in obvious pain from the loud shrieking in her ears as she fought to stay standing. She slammed into a tree - the breath being knocked out of her and then she collapsed at the foot of it, trembling. "I'm not... I'm not a killer... I'm not - I'm not Ramaskith." she cried under her breath, a few tears falling. Why wouldn't her hawk shut up. She needed it to shut up. And it wouldn't shut up. Was that who she was...

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==Into the Mind
. Word Count 1111
. Notes - Rasta doesn't know what to think.
. Muse - Really high
. Tags - Taj

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Header and Coding Copyright - Abba
Do Not Steal

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