..:. Traitors and Lies [Appy]

[deshy]

Shika slinked into the shadows of the trees, watching Karuk from the boarders, he had to follow her, after all he did seem to worry over her a lot. Yeah she was pretty bad at staying firmly put and never ceasing to fall, but that was just her.
Waiting for him to make up his mind weather or not to cross over was driving her insane. Shika had not been all truthful with him, well maybe she had just not old him, since he hadn't really asked her anyways. She paced up and down a small area amongst the trees hoping that he would see her movements and thus making up his mind. She pulled at some leaves on a branch snaping the twig and hoping to get his attention. Shika felt a little bad for not being honest right away. But she had been rather distracted once they had met. She had heard a lot about this equine, stories of his ability, though never ceasing to believe that one day she would finally meet him. She turned around and began to head deeper into the foliage. If he followed she would be glad, though if he didn't decide to do so, she would understand, but this could cause her happy go lucky spirit to vanish slightly.
As Shika dove deeper and deeper it became harder to move so freely. Roots stuck out precariously, fallen trees obstructed path ways of nature. Though being apart of these lands, she had never dared to travel these parts nor had she expected to fall across the teritory boarders. Hearing a noise behind her, she glanced round for a few seconds too early, losing balance as she had gotten her hooves stuck in a foothold created by a root causing her to stumble to the ground in an awkward heap of a painted frame.

...:.312

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...: wow that was from my phone too xD and in like 5 mins i did it O.o
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[aPPY]

Karuk pawed silently at the ground, staring at the river as the water continued to flow. Should he cross into the other land? If he was correct in where he was in the territories, it should be the border between the North and the South, the border between the two Alpha mares. It wouldn't be as if he was crossing into forbidden territories. He sighed, looking over at Kilton. He was originally from the South anyway, the area that now bordered the East. He stared back at the ground, trying to make some sort of decision. Of course, it was a hard decision for him, to return to where he was from. Though, he didn't have to go to that area, he could just stay clear of it. His ears flickered, picking up the sounds of foot falls and he lifted his head, turning to the side first and hoping they had come from this side of the river. It was stupid though, because he knew the sounds had come from that side and he slowly scanned the trees looking for the life that lurked there. The life that wasn't destroyed with the war. Leaves rustled and branches snapped as someone continued to make noise. Was it Shika? Trying to tell him which direction she had gone? Why couldn't she just speak? He sighed, looking at Kilton again. "I guess we're going in..." he said, facing the trees and stalling even longer. Kilton cawed, propelling himself off of the log and hovering in the air above the river. The stupid bird was ready, why couldn't he just pull it together and just cross? Part of him was angry at himself, for being unable to cross, for not following like the mare obviously wanted him to. Another part was content to stay on this side, the safe side, the haven; away from the bad memories that he had pushed away and tried to forget. He didn't know which part to side with.

Finally, he took a deep breath, stepping forward. He had to do it sometime. He couldn't stay away from the South lands forever, it just wouldn't work that way. The cold water hit his white leg and he shivered, a little from the temperature but more because of what he was doing. He slowly took another step, his other foreleg hitting the water, his hind legs followed. He stared at the space separating him from the South lands, debating whether he should turn around and leave Shika to her own devices. She could take care of herself, right? She was grown, she didn't need him to look over her. He twisted his head, looking at the ground behind him. The North. Kilton screeched, impatience making him angry. Karuk turned to look at the bird, sitting on a tree on the other side and waiting for him to hurry up. He gulped, stepping forward again. He could do this. It was just crossing a river and walking into a different territory. He didn't have any ties to any lands, so it was fine. So what if he had a past here, it wouldn't be that bad. It wasn't as if anyone knew... right? He sighed, a deep sigh from the bottom of his stomach and up out of his mouth. It wouldn't be so bad. He continued walking, trying not to focus on where he was going, just on the action. Soon, his feet touched earth and he wasn't in the water any longer. He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, looking at the trees around him. This land wasn't any different than the land just across the way. Maybe if he didn't think about it, he wouldn't remember. He started walking forward again, wondering where Shika had gone. She was over here, he knew, and she wanted him over here too. Or at least, that's what he had understood. And now he just needed to find her again.

Kilton flew forward, gliding through the trees instead of idiling back with the slow moving stag. Karuk wasn't in a hurry, so he was taking his time; working his way through the trees and the familiar landscape. This area wasn't as familiar with him as the other, but he knew the whole territory pretty well. The same with parts of the bordering ones, from before the land was sectioned off and restricted. He heard a loud thump echo in the silence of the forest, followed by Kilton's squawk. He stopped, listening for a moment before carefully cantering forward. He couldn't think of anything else it could have been, other than the clumbsy painted mare. It would make sense that as soon as she left him she would fall again. Hopefully though, it wouldn't be as bad as before, but looking at the tangled roots and twigs that spiderwebbed across the ground, he couldn't be so sure. He had to slow to a steady trot so he wouldn't fall as well. Soon he saw the brown and white form of a horse ahead of him and he slowed. He watched his feet as he advanced, stepping carefully in and around the roots and trying to keep his balance. He stopped once he reached Shika, looking down at her. "I think we need to stop meeting like this," he said, smiling at her.

In a way she reminded him of Katerina; that carefree spirit that made you think that they weren't supposed to be tied to the earth. As if they should float in the wind. And the clumbsiness came from that too, not really focused on your surroundings and before you knew it, you were face down in the dirt. Though, Shika didn't have an air of vulnerability around her like Katerina had. She could take care of herself and hold her own when it was needed. Katerina had needed someone to protect her and he had left her by herself, relying on the meaningless thoughts and hopes that nothing would happen and everything would be okay. She had been punished for that choice and he had been suffering ever since, punished in his own way. There was nothing he could do for Katerina now, he kept reminding himself of that simple fact. Though he could help this mare as a way of some sort of repayment, perhaps? Or was it just him wanting to help? Or was it something more that just that? He wasn't sure.

// 1110 words

i did not realize i wrote so much. :o

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[deshy]

Shika lay in a heap on the floor, remembering the one who had help her, the one who had predomacally saved her life. She had come to like him in the short time they had met, just a day was all it took for her to find the good in him, to find someone else, somehwat like her, well that is without the stupid clumsey fool of an equine she were. She glanced up into the canopy of trees. A few birds sat up there looking down upon her, watching...
She shuddered under their glance feeling rather encroached upon. She curled her head back round and onto the dark mossey roots. She glanced down to her nostrils, and noticed some small shrooms growing midist the moss and ivy. She snorted lightly upon them causing the top of one shroom to fall to the ground, she sniffed at them, though they didnt really have much smell, just a dampness to them. She reached out with her tounge wanting to taste them, just as her toungue was about to craze across the pale skin, something in the back of her mind was wraning her, pull back, dont touch them! Pulling back from them she sighed and slumped back into a comfortable heap, resting her cranium in some soft ivy, moss like pillow, the smell of the damp and earth settled her soul, soon, her mind drifted of into a sleepless daze.

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A small creek apeared before her eyes. a stream ran through the small beach like area surround by trees. It was almost like a small hidden area of paradise, somewhere people dreamed of. Maybe it was all just a dream, then again maybe eveything was just a dream we always lived in. Perhaps so. Shika glanced around the area, just as a brown and white figure moved ahead of her. Karuk. She followed him and laid down into the sand, the next thing that happened came to shock her, or rather stunned her. Karuk began to move his nose over the large piece of twig protruding from her chest, soon relising that her breathing was harsh and painful. Spraks of colour glowed right of off Karuk and onto her, she watch in awe unable to do anything but stare. The colours seemed to goinside of her, fixing the damaged internal organs first and slowly working its way to the outside. She could feel eachpart of her heal in time as he presssed his nose againts her, in a soft but strong formation. He sooned finished up closing his eyes and falling into a peacefull sleep. She looked over at where the wound had been, now nothing there, just a small line of scar tissue, even her breathing had returned to normal. Karuk really was special.

"I think we need to stop meeting like this," Karuk!" She shouted in surprise and jumped to her hooves as quick as she could, without falling flat on her face again. Reaching out with her muzzel she gently touched him on his cheek. I didn't think you'd come, I'm so glad your here though" she smiled weakly, the shame was beginning to seap through. She hung her head low, looking to the floor, unwanting to look Karuk into his blue eyes. "I'm sorry i ran off, i tend to get sacred by my confusion and flee" She pawed at the ground in a nervous mannor.

Karuk reminded her in a way like her father once used to be. Her father was a gentle soul, one who enjoyed that of others company. And also enjoyed helping those in need. He didn't like to fight or see things as a bad kind of energy, everthing was meant to happen for a reason and if you messed that up only then would bad things happen to you, though some tend to see it as bad luck or karma. The world had its ways and rules and if anything got in its way it would throw it back in your face. Shika's father wa the one who had taught her to see everything in a different light and be open with accpetion of others, not everyone was going to be the same, others had their opinions, just like her mother. Her mother was the complete opposite of her Father, though wasnt that how things went? oposites attract and one to balance out the rest, everything had to be balanced or things would never go right the world would not be round and the sun would not be our source of light. The planets had to have that balance in order for the solar system to work in a repetative way, and if just a tiny inch of that changed, then who knows what could happen, something better or maybe it would be worse. Karuk was her balance and she needed him like her Father needed her mother. It was the key to everything. Once you have it, never let it go.

Shika glanced back up to Karuk, she couldnt take it any longer, she had to tell him the truth. She couldnt just leave him hanging nor could she just not tell him, he was going to find out and if he did like that then maybe she would loose him, Forever. She gulped at that morbid thought. SHe couldnt think of a world without him, not now that she had found him. "I've something to confess KAruk and i dont think your going to like me much after this..." She sighed and looked back down to the damp earth once more.

Shika continuoulsy argued with herself over and over, mentaly of course. She had to tell him, but risk losing him, was it really worth the risk? But then again maybe it could make them stronger. She hated it when things like this happened, she always eneded up losing with herself, though at the same time she won, if you saw it that way. Most bad things had happened to her in this way, and now she was stuck in that sam e dilemah once more. "Karuk, i know your possibly going to hate me, but i just cant stand not telling you. I'm the alpha of these lands, and i should have told you before, i only ventured into the north hoping to find others, and i found you. You were so kind to me that i got completely wrapped up in it, not thinking straight. You can hate me, i wont mind, i will always cherrish that day we spent together" She gently touched his nose with hers, then lowered her head to the floor once again. A fridged wind blew through the trees, picking up fallen leaves and dust. Some even bloew into her mane, entwining them togther, becoming stuck or rather a part of her as she saw it.

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...:. 1178

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...: Woo finally back to myself again XD
...: Anddd it started out as just the third paragraph haha xD [/right][/size]

[aPPY]

"Karuk!" she called, jumping to her feet as fast as she could. He jumped backward, a little surprised at the reaction. His hooves crushed branches where he stepped and he watched as her own feet didn't get tangled once again, a small wave of relief rolling over him. It wouldn't be very good for her to fall again. She reached out to him, touching her nose to his cheek almost as if to assure her that he was really there. The action confused him a little, he hadn't thought she would react with such enthusiasm to see him. "I didn't think you'd come, I'm so glad your here though." She smiled softly, a small twitch of her lips, and then dropping her head as if she didn't want to look at him. He looked down at her, confusion rippling across his face. First she was excited to see him, and now she was acting as if she didn't want him here; didn't want to look at him. "I'm sorry I ran off, I tend to get sacred by my confusion and flee," she said, pawing at the ground nervously, almost in the same manner he had before crossing the river. He settled back, waiting for her to explain more. She was anxious about something and it was just confusing him the more he thought about it. She was quiet for a while, as if thinking about something. But he waited patiently, wondering what was on her mind but forcing himself to be quiet. If she had something to say, she would say it, right?

She looked back up at him, as if preparing to speak again. "I've something to confess Karuk, and I don't think your going to like me much after this..." He tilted his head to the side a litte, his eyes pulling together in the best confused expression he could muster. What was she talking about, that he wasn't going to like her much anymore? What could she possibly have to tell him? He was a little afraid of what it might be, growing nervous. His mind quickly tried to think of all the possible answers to that question, trying to think of something bad. He didn't know her very well, he had only known her for a very short amount of time, but he liked to think he had a pretty good hold on others and could judge them pretty well once he had met them. Shika sighed, looking at the ground again. He was getting angry now. Why did she keep looking away? Was this secret so bad that she couldn't even face him as she told him? And she just stood there, continuing to stall, putting off whatever it was she was going to tell him. He shifted his weight, waiting. He wasn't going to say anything until she told him, but he was becoming impatient. You can't just tell someone you have to tell them something and then torture them with a long drawn out introduction. It just didn't work that way. Just get out with it. He was about to sigh when she started to speak again.

"Karuk, I know you're possibly going to hate me, but I just cant stand not telling you. I'm the Alpha of these lands, and I should have told you before. I only ventured into the North hoping to find others, and I found you. You were so kind to me that I got completely wrapped up in it, not thinking straight. You can hate me, I won't mind, I will always cherish that day we spent together."

She touched her muzzle to his, dropping her head and afraid what what he might think. He stepped back a stride, staring at her. An Alpha? How had he not known? He had healed her! Had she even really needed it? He continued to stare at her, not knowing what to think. His only experiences with the Alphas had mostly been bad. The war, Ramaskith, Oser, fighting, death. All of it. The only good he had know was when the golden mare had gifted him with the healing abilities, giving him a chance to help people. How was he supposed to trust her now, after she had lied to him? His brain was immediately screaming to flee, to get away. She was an Alpha! Nothing good came from them. Though, looking at her standing there, hoping that he would stay, for some sort of forgiveness, he didn't know what to do. He didn't know if it was the mere fact that he had given her a part of himself when he had healed her, or if he really felt anything for the mare at all.

"You.... You can't just keep something like that from someone." he said, his words forcefully calm though his face proved that he was anything but. He didn't know what to say. It was something so huge, something with such a negative meaning to him. Everything he knew about the Alphas was bad, everything he had experienced, everything they had done. Everything. How did she expect him to react to this? He shook his head, looking off into the trees, confusion and indecision shooting through him. He turned, starting to walk away. "Come on, Kilton," he said over his shoulder as he started to disappear into the trees. He stopped, turning to look at her; the pain clear on his face. "What did you think you could gain from this? From lying to me? Did you think I would fight for you in the war that is bound to rise again? I refuse to fight for anyone, no matter what my choices were in the past. Those actions don't control my future." He shook his head again, turning and not even wanting to know her answer. He didn't think he could stand it if he knew why she did what she did. He couldn't do this. He couldn't deal with the Alphas. They only caused trouble.

// 1031 words

Two longs posts in a row. yey :D
So, he's not really leaving. Just conflicted with himself and assuming the worst.
He's too much of a nice guy not to hear her out, at least. He's just a poor confused soul jumping to conclusions that make things easier for him. If she really was bad then he wouldn't stay and get attached, which is bound to happen if he does stay. She reminds him too much of Katerina. And that scares him. (:

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[deshy]

"You.... You can't just keep something like that from someone." she flinched at his harsh words. Once again she was right, only bad came out of telling people the truth, this was it, yet again she was losing a great friend. She wished she hadnt opened her big mouth, though he would have just figured it out for himself, then parhaps she would never see the light of him again, atleast this way she lifted a whole weight of her shoulders. She turned her head away, not wanting to leave him with bad memories, the anger on his face was not something she wish to analyse him with whenever she thought of him. She remembered the fun they had had at the river bed, and the fall she took. Then ending up in the creek.
"Come on, Kilton," she inhaled a deep breath, she knew this would be the last she would ever see of him. She really had royaly messed up. Footsteps began to receede away from her, though they paused not so far off, and his voice filled the air once more.
"What did you think you could gain from this? From lying to me? Did you think I would fight for you in the war that is bound to rise again? I refuse to fight for anyone, no matter what my choices were in the past. Those actions don't control my future."
What!?! he thought she wanted to fight? no, no thats not right she didnt want the fighting. That was everything but what she wanted. Shika did not even want to be Alpha but the pervious one had just vanaished, now she was left the spot, she didnt even want those strange powers they were given, she was just her, nothing less, nothing more. For all Karuk knew, she wasnt like the others, she was different to the rest of them, she really were. Though how was she going to get this into his mind? would be believe her enough to trust her again? or had she really completly messed this whole Alpha buisness up within a matter of days?
She had no idea what she were to do yet again, she was young yes, though her life always seemed to bring her to bumps in the road, and she always chose the rong path, always.

Shika sighed and threw her large torso into the mossy covered ground. what on earth were she to do? She could here him moving around in the woods, though he didnt seem to be moving far away, he possibly had a part of him that wanted to make sure she stayed safe. All he had seemed to do was save her from the usual troubles that the daily life of Shika brought. She needed him, and in a way he needed her, though he possibly just didnt know that right now. She had to get to him, though he possibly wouldnt want to she her face again for a while.
Shika shuffled her nose in the moss and dirt trying to burry her sorrows, burry herself from the world. "I dont deserve this, i dont want to be here, i dont want this life anymore, why? Why! do i deserve this?" she spoke aloud, though directed perposfully to her and whoever up there that were controling her life could hear. why?... she whipered into the ground. She didnt want to be herself anymore, she had to hide from the world. And just like that she got this crazy idea. Sometimes if you stared into nothingness for a while, you would also get these random and wierd ideas, just shoot into your mind, and this too happened to Shika.

Shika pulled at the moss, pulling it out from the roots, soil flicked up over her nose, her once white face. She covered the white between her nostrils with mud first and soon managed to cover the whole of her face. Just a small amount of white showed throuhg in place that she could not reach. She glanced at her white torso, this part would be pretty easy since it was spread across one side of her. She pulled up more of the moss, clearing a patch of ground to bare soil. The roots and plants kept it from becoming compact, the earth was soft and moist, though it was also fridgedly cold. She shivered as she lay into the ground and began rolling in the dirt. Rising just a few times to see how much was covered over. Rolling again if it were not satisfactory. She fianlly managed to cover most of her white over with a dirty of white, tan like colour, though with the lighting in the forsest you possibly wouldnt even notice that she was once white sabino paint. Just the odd little patch here and there.
Shika rose to her feet, ear flicking side to side, listening for the sound of Karuk. He hadn't really gone too far at all. Pushing forward into his drection at a steady pace, mud covering her white, though moving cause some to fall off. If he really did know her after that day then he would regonise her once again, even with the slight change. She pulled up behind him, touching her nose to his rump, Karuk, i know ypu seriosuly hate me right now, but i just wanted to say that i dont want the fighting either, i wish it would stop, im nothing like the others, im just me, the one you met yesturday at the river, clumsey fool of me. I hope you can believe what i say, when i say im differnet, even if you say you've herd it before, atleast i will know i tried my best to keep you, its your choice, and i cant make you do anything you dont want to, all i ask is you forgive my mistake and then we can go our seperate ways" Shika spoke softly and formal, just in the way an Alpha should be. She stood just behind him at his side, waiting

...:. 1038

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...: Aww i wonder how he will react to her now
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[aPPY]

Karuk walked slowly, Kilton gliding a few feet ahead, occasionally flapping his wings to stay aloft. He sighed, Shika's voice traveling through the air as she spoke to herself, though the words weren't loud enough for him to decipher. Why had he been so stupid? To trust a random stranger? He should have expected something like this, he couldn't trust anyone. He should have known that. He had known that, which was what the issue was! He had thought that maybe she truly needed help, and the oppurtunity to help someone had clouded all of his judgement. He stopped, taking the time to slam his hoof into a tree, his head following. He was just so stupid! He stood there, leaning against the trunk as Kilton landed on a branch above him, patiently waiting for him to continue. He closed his eyes and sighed, feeling utterly lost. What was he supposed to do now? How could he possibly help people if he couldn't trust them enough to do so? It just didn't make any sense. Why had he chosen this path? Well, he knew why, but thinking about it now, it didn't seem like it was as good as an idea anymore. Maybe he should have accepted the other offer; the strength. Maybe he should have turned into a killing machine, destroying everything in his path as some sort of revenge for Katerina's death. No. He knew he couldn't do that. Violence wasn't going to bring her back. Nothing was going to bring them back to him. He hit the tree again, the eagle jumping off the branch as the trunk rattled with the force of his blow. He took a deep breath, willing the tears not to flow from his eyes. It wouldn't do him any good. He shook his head, turning and continuing to walk forward. He needed to leave, to get away from here. This area has covered in bad memories, there was nothing he could do about it. They were just there, and they wouldn't go away.

He continued to walk, although slowly like before. There was still a part of him that was telling him to stay. That maybe he was jumping to conclusions and he should give her a chance. He didn't know how big that part of him was, but it was arguing with the more sane part. His steps left lines along the gound as he drug his feet through the dirt, so torn on what final decision to make. He could hear approaching footsteps and he slowed even more, listening as she got closer. HIs mind thought of a million different reasons for her to be following him. To tell him more, to give excuses or explanations. Possibly to be angry with him for walking away, for refusing to help her in what ever she needed. So many different things and he had no idea what to think. He had no idea what her intentions really were with befriending him. Nothing fit together anymore and he was confused. So confused. The footsteps got closer and he felt a muzzle touch his hip. He slowly turned his head as she began talking, even more confused at her appearance. She had rolled in the mud, covering her body in the dark matter. Why had she done that? He forced himself to look at her though, to listen as she said what she wanted to, what she felt needed to be said in an attempt to keep him there.

"Karuk, I know you seriously hate me right now, but I just wanted to say that I dont want the fighting either. I wish it would stop, I'm nothing like the others, I'm just me, the one you met yesterday at the river, clumbsy fool of me. I hope you can believe what I say, when I say I'm different, even if you say you've herd it before, at least I will know I tried my best to keep you. It's your choice, and I can't make you do anything you dont want to. All I ask is you forgive my mistake and then we can go our seperate ways."

Her words were forcefully calm and formal, playing her part as the leader; the level headed one. He just stood there, looking at a tree behind her and trying to process the information. Was she telling him the truth, or was it just an act to get him to stay? He didn't understand why she wanted him to stay so badly anyway. It wasn't like he was great company. He didn't talk or do much, so why did she want him around? Was it a way to garauntee her protection? Earn his trust and have some sort of bodyguard once the wars did start again; since it was only a matter of time before they did. Or was it really just because she wanted him there, just to be there? He couldn't wrap his head around that concept. She couldn't have become so attached to him in that short amount of time, could she? Unless... Unless it was him healing her? They had told him a bond would form when he used his abilities on someone, but this strong and this quick? Couldn't they have warned him better? He had to admit that he felt the tugging, the wanting to stay here as well. Was that what it was? But certainly not everyone who healed someone ended up staying around them, taking care of them and befriending them, did they? It didn't make any god damned sense!

He had been standing there for a while, saying nothing and just staring at the bark on that tree behind her. She was waiting for him to say something, he knew that, but he didn't know what to say. He broke the stare, his eyes slowly shifting to look at Shika, her eyes staring out at him from a mud caked face that was previously just as white as his. The pain in her eyes -- at the thought of him leaving, he assumed -- was horrible. It made him angry at himself for even thinking about it. She obviously wanted him here, and he truly wanted to believe she was sincere. So why couldn't he just believe her? Looking at her, his pain almost mirrored her own. He couldn't possibly leave her here like this. Alone. That word tore at his heart. What if something happened to her? Yes, she was an Alpha, but he didn't know how well she could protect herself. What if the same thing happened? It would be all his fault again. His heart contracted at the though of something horrible happening to someone again, just because he didn't stay. Because he thought about himself and not the others around him.

Karuk turned, twisting so that he was facing Shika and not looking back at her. He sighed, trying to swallow all of the horrible thoughts that had been running through his head. To push them away into the depths with all of the others. He couldn't think about all of it right now. It would overcome him and he wouldn't be able to regain his emotional control. Definitely not something to do in front of the Alpha of his homeland. "What have you done to yourself?" he asked, his voice no louder than a whisper in the quiet of the forest. He reached out, gently lipping at the mud on her forehead. He pulled back though, his lips twitching a small fraction as he looked at her. His eyes held a tiredness, mised with a sadness from his previous thoughts. Though they held a spark of something else and he didn't know what it was. "I don't hate you." he said, his voice a little louder, though still soft and quiet. And he didn't, he was just a little disappointed that she hadn't told him who she was. And, he was confused, of course. About her intentions. But he was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

// 1381 words

awe little karuk baby.
he likes her, but he doesn't really quite know it yet. and he doesn't want to believe that anyone could ever like him, because he is so disappointed in himself for the death of katerina and their foal, so how could anyone else see the good in him?
*pets painted pony*

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[deshy]

Shika stood there, waiting... Time slowly passed by as Karuk seemed to take forever to respond to her, she kne wit before it came, he would leave, though isnt that what everyone always did? Onnce you though you had everything undercontrol and was going well, it all just seemed to crumble before your eyes. She glanced at him a few times, His face seemed more somber than the time before. She was glad in a way, but also trying to defeat the arguments inside her head once again. Always questioning her actions, never ceasing to remain thoughtless, though when she had met Karuk her mind just stopped, like a pause button had been pressed inisde of her mind, everything on pause as time outisde flew right by without a doubt. She glanced at the floor, shifty her hefty wieght onto her left side, slightly unbalancing herself. She ended up just useing the tree near by for support, atleast she knew that it would hold its own wieght and more. Tress are such a beautiful part of nature, the are the world, and they are the creation of life, without such things nothing would survive on land. Without anything on this Earth, nothing would survive, we all had our jobs to provide the earth with life and nuetrieants, something in which it helped us develop and grow such wonders of nature. Shika pulled at the bark, revealing the soft white center, and the sap that ran between. She lipped at the sap, its taste so sweet and sticky. the sap of the tree will help with growth of the soul, but you must give back to the Earth as taking and not giving is a bad thing to do. Her fathers voice rang through her mind, reminding her of the good inside of her, now being dampened by a bad omen.

"What have you done to yourself?" She pulled away from him not wanting him to see what she had done, but it was all in bad time, he lipped at her forhead, and a strange sence tingled across from it, almost like a tiny electrical current. "Dont touch it!" she spoke rather snappy and not her usual gleeful self, pulling away from him at the same time. Averting her gaze from his. She hadnt expected him to stay and speak with her, perhaps this was going to end up being okay for once, but right now Shika was feeling rather sorry for herself. She took one deep breath and realsed it rather slow. Just as his voice filled the small gap between them "I don't hate you." Her heart sank at his words, it was a great relief to know that he didnt hate her for not saying anhyting before, but she couldnt help it, her mind seemed to forget when she was in his resence, there was just something about him that was calming to her mind and soul.

Shika let all her wieght drown the poor tree, it creak in protest as her full weight was forced upon it so abruptly. "Im sorry for everthing Karuk, i dont mean to be so destructive and mis leading, i really dont, its just.... Just that part of me from my mother and i just cant help it. I just want to do good, you know? my life has been ful of bad omens and loneliness, all i wanted were some friends. But i just didnt know how to make friends, i always seem to hurt them, its all i ever seem to do, i'm just a fail, and i dont deserve to have you as a freind, i turely dont. You derseve better than me too. " She paused to breath and looked up into Karuks eyes "Look at me!?, Look what i do to myself, just because i cant stand this life, i try Karuk, i truely do, But what do i get out of it? Nothing but sorrow and pain, i've even ended up as an Alpha because of it, why do i try so hard to do the right thing and only end up getting the bad back? why me?" Shika turned her head away from him, it was the first time she had ever just spoken without thinking, there again, that thing that always happened when in the presence of Karuk, not thinking. A small tear escaped its trap rolling down the mud spread across her once white face, a trail of cream lay in its track, as it fell down to the ground. She hid her face from his view, feeling rather ashamed of herself for showing the weakness inside.

...:. 788

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...: Oh wow Karuk made her spill her guts, well just say what shes always been thinking O.o
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[aPPY]

"I'm sorry for everthing Karuk, I don't mean to be so destructive and misleading, I really don't. It's just.... Just that part of me from my mother and I just can't help it. I just want to do good, you know? My life has been full of bad omens and loneliness, all I wanted were some friends. But I just didnt know how to make friends. I always seem to hurt them, it's all I ever seem to do. I'm just a failure, and I don't deserve to have you as a friend. I truly don't. You derseve better than me too." She stopped, taking a breath and looking at him. "Look at me!? Look what I do to myself. Just because I can't stand this life, I try Karuk. I truly do, but what do I get out of it? Nothing but sorrow and pain, I've even ended up as an Alpha because of it. Why do I try so hard to do the right thing and only end up getting the bad back? Why me?"

She looked away from him, a tear leaving a line of white down her face. He stepped forward as she turned further away, as if trying to hide. "Hey," he said, touching his muzzle to her neck, where the muscles connected with her jaw. "It's alright," he whispered, trying to find some way to comfort her. He didn't want her to be upset. "You can't think that way. If you only focus on the bad, that's all that will come to you." He nudged her, wanting her to understand. He knew from experience that if you dwell on the past, on all of the bad things, it controls your life and what will happen next. If you just forget about it and move on, you can focus on the new things and the good things. Though, sometimes the bad things have a way of sneaking up on you, making you feel bad for just acting as if nothing happened, like it wasn't important. He sighed, pulling away and looking at the ground. Now it was his turn to avoid her gaze, if she even chose to look at him again. She was ashamed of her emotions, but everyone was in front of an almost stranger. "Everyone makes mistakes, Shika. But you can't let those choices define who you are today." He looked back up at her and then back at the ground before lifting his head. He wanted to do good also. Heck, he had accepted a gift that could only really be used for good. But that didn't mean that good came his way. For a while now he had just been traveling alone, escaping from reality in his own little way. He had never realized how much of Katerina's death he hadn't dealt with until now. Now, looking at Shika and the small amount of weakness she was showing, the way something had broken down her walls, just made him think of Katerina all over again. He looked away, his own eyes filling but he refused to let the tears trail down his face. He took a deep, slow breath, his eyes slowly closing as he did and he tried to put his emotions in check. It was one thing for Shika to show her emotions, she experienced everything so deeply there was no way she could help herself. But him, he was a rock. He was immobile and solid, he shouldn't -- couldn't -- show his weaknesses.

"Can't let them define you." he repeated, somewhat to himself as a reminder. He couldn't let what he did in the past determine what he did now. He had already vowed that it wouldn't happen. He wouldn't act in violence again. Ever. He would do anything in his power to stop another war from happening, from more destruction befalling the innocent creatures of the earth. It wasn't fair, to be punished because some greedy slinthead decided he wanted more land. That he deserved more land. Karuk closed his eyes tight, trying to push away the bad thoughts. The angry thoughts. He took another deep breath, his heartbeat calming quickly and leveling out. "Trust me," he said, his eyes flickering over and looking at Shika. "Your punishments are nothing compared to mine. I don't deserve anything better than nothing." He shook his head half heartedly, his eyes lightly closed again. There was no way she could understand the real meaning of punishment; the way he knew it. She was still young, her best years still ahead of her. Though, Karuk wasn't old, by any means, his best years were stolen right from underneath him and he didn't think he would ever earn them back. He didn't deserve to experience them. He truly believed that.

"If anything," he continued, looking at the trees now, and not at her. "If anything, you deserve better than a friend like me," he said, cutting his eyes to the side and glancing at her without moving his head. "I'm nothing but a shell of bad memories and vows to myself to somehow keep the same thing from happening again. Though, I'm beginning to think that I'm not capable of anything good. Just another way to punish me; to make sure I can't make up for what I've done." He sighed, looking at the ground. He had probably said too much, made her think him a lunatic or something. Though, she had somewhat opened up and he couldn't help but do the same. It had just spilled out, and even if it wasn't specifics, it was still there, out on the table. He had done something he regretted, something bad. Even if what he blamed himself for wasn't directly his fault, it was still his fault and he still held himself responsible. He always would. Because he had fought in the war, because he had killed members of other's families, his had been destroyed. It only seemed right for the world to work that way, right?

// 856 words

lalala. ramblerambleramble. blehhh.
my posts are getting shorter. D:
at least they're still good sized though. haha.

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[deshy]

"Hey," the words spoke through her haze, his soft velvety touch brushed along her cheek. "It's alright," His words were soft and soothing. "You can't think that way. If you only focus on the bad, that's all that will come to you." She knew he was right, but somehow she just could not get over the past, the horrid things that had happened to her, well more to her fmaily than her. They didnt deserve the penalty of death, it wasnt their fault, none of it were. The war was because of the alphas, the one before her had tradgically dissapeared, with no trace or word to others, now the east was left in her command. His voice sliced through her little riverie "Everyone makes mistakes, Shika. But you can't let those choices define who you are today." Finally, his words got through to her, she turned and glanced up to him, her eyes full with tiredness and fear. "You dont understand Karuk" she spoke gently shaking her head left and right. "The past makes me what i am today, but dont you just ever wish you could go back and take a differnt step, make a differnt choice? If only life was that simple, if only we Could travel back in time, and see which paths lead us to the best of lives. Maybe my parents wouls still be here today, maybe the lands would never have split. But then i stop, and think, if that were to be, then would i have met you? Would you have saved me at the creek? Would we be where we are now? Possibly here to do better in the world, we just have to find that and make it happen, Karuk." She turned her gaze away from him once more woth a sigh.

"Your punishments are nothing compared to mine. I don't deserve anything better than nothing." Karuk paused for what seemed a long time she wited for him, feeling tat he still had more to say. "If anything,". "If anything, you deserve better than a friend like me,"He paused again this time not so ong "I'm nothing but a shell of bad memories and vows to myself to somehow keep the same thing from happening again. Though, I'm beginning to think that I'm not capable of anything good. Just another way to punish me; to make sure I can't make up for what I've done."This time shika touched him along his neck, feeling the thick muscle ripple underneath his skin as his head moved. "You cant say things like that Karuk, you do deserve a better life, and you dont deserve lies, nor someone who betrays you, and i will do just that. You, of all people should be happy, should be loving the world, forgetting the sorrows left behind by war and hatred" She looked down at the ground, the light was high above them, shining down in patterns across the moss and leaves, the trees now begining to loose more leaves. "Do we all want to make up for what we've done? Do you not want to have saved my life back there? To never have met me at all? You are making up for what you've done Karuk, you just have to realize that and see it. You saved me, is that not enough?" She took a step closer to him, now almost pressed against him, her nose close to touching his as she gazed into his eyes.

...:. 621

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...: Okays so not what i was going for O.o but hey i got a post and i quite like it xD
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[aPPY]

"The past makes me what I am today, but don't you just ever wish you could go back and take a different step, make a different choice? If only life was that simple, if only we could travel back in time, and see which paths lead us to the best of lives. Maybe my parents would still be here today, maybe the lands would never have split. But then I stop, and think, if that were to be, then would I have met you? Would you have saved me at the creek? Would we be where we are now? Possibly here to do better in the world, we just have to find that and make it happen, Karuk."

He nodded as she spoke. Oh, how he truly wished he could go back, to make different decisions, to travel faster and maybe make it home before those stags attacked his family. To save them. To save her. She seemed to know a similar pain, as she mentioned her parents. And yes, the lands, products of that dreadful war that caused so much of the same pain for everyone. He knew he wasn't the only one that had felt a loss like his, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. That didn't mean he wanted to go back and change it. And yes, they probably wouldn't be where they are now, but maybe there wouldn't have been need for him to be here if there had never been a war. Maybe she hadn't have fallen and needed his help. Though, he was unsure whether she really had needed his help, with her being an Alpha and all. Lying to him.

"You cant say things like that Karuk. You do deserve a better life, and you don't deserve lies, nor someone who betrays you, and I will do just that. You, of all people should be happy, should be loving the world, forgetting the sorrows left behind by war and hatred."

This time he shook his head as she spoke. No, he didn't deserve any better. He was being punished because of they way he acted in the past. The way his mind, and many others, had worked. To go off to war, to fight, to gain honor; it was all such a glorified concept that was not even close to what you thought. He hated who he was back then, hated that person with such passion that it hurt, but that didn't change what happened. If he had been there, in the meadow, the whole outcome might have been different. Or perhaps it wouldn't have been, but at least he wouldn't be living in this misery. This eternal abyss of guilt. It was always there, even when he pushed it away and appeared happy and one with the world. The truth was that the world was a cruel place and he respected it, but he didn't get along with it. He tried his best to recognize all of the wonders of the world, to appreciate everything, but that didn't mean that he worshiped it.

"Do we all want to make up for what we've done? Do you not want to have saved my life back there? To never have met me at all? You are making up for what you've done Karuk, you just have to realize that and see it. You saved me, is that not enough?"

She stepped closer to him, almost touching him. He could feel her breath on his skin and her closeness surprised him. He hadn't been paying attention to her, just listening to her words and thinking them over in his head, arguing against them. Though, with her so close he was lost. He couldn't think. He could see the pain in her eyes, connected with the words she spoke, asking if he regretted helping her; if he wished to take it back, that it wasn't enough. It made him feel guilty all over again. "That's not what I meant, when I said that," he whispered, his eyes sad as she stared into them. "That's not what I meant..." he repeated, the words fading and almost cracking as he tried to speak through a contracted throat that hurt to speak with. How did she do that? Hitting all of the sore spots when she talked to him, making him sad all over again and threatening to make him cry. He didn't want to cry, it was useless. He cleared his throat softly, "I will never be able to make up for what I've done in the past, Shika," he continued, his voice soft. "And no, I'm not saying that I wouldn't have wanted to save your life like I did yesterday, and I do realize that I did something good, but it... It still doesn't make up for anything." He gently shook his head, his eyes closing lightly and breathing a soft sigh. He peeked through his eyelids, looking at the ground. He glanced up at her before looking away again.

What was she going to say now? Something that will bring him closer to the breaking point? He really didn't want that, to break apart. He wasn't ready for that, especially in front of someone he barely knew. Though, if she kept saying these things, he didn't know what else to do. In a way he needed to let himself feel some sort of real emotion. He needed to let it out and be able t properly forget about it. He hadn't let himself truly feel it, he had just moved on. Or so he thought. He sighed again, very softly and quietly. He was a little bit afraid of what she was going to say next, what was running through her head. What was going to happen? He hated the future and the inability to tell what the outcome of something could be.

// 784 words

lalala.

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