Victims of Sorrow [Appy]

[twi]

Seraph nodded gratefully, glad that he was consenting. She looked at him a long moment, wondering just how to begin. She could feel the power in her, flowing through her veins, making its presence known. She had always felt it, always believed in its presence. The fact that she could heal, she had never doubted, but now, as she stared dubiously at the stallion, she began to wonder if perhaps she was mistaken. She had always thought that when the time came for her to put her powers to use, she would instinctively know what to do. They would whisper in her ear, instructing her in their ways.
She was suddenly nervous, hoping she did not appear foolish. After all, she was attempting to heal another healer, one surely much more experienced than she. Perhaps he was laughing at her inside, scornful of her hesitation. But no, he looked much too sad, to defeated for any inner mirth just as she could not seem to take pleasure in life, cruel life.
She closed her eyes, hardly caring if she appeared foolish. She was so tired, in body, mind and soul. Concentrate. Feel his pain and make it your own. In the past, she had felt, on a minute level, the pain of others. All suffering affected her similarly and ever since was war had started she had never been able to relax, feeling the agony of many, so far away. Yes, he was suffering too, but not so much from the physical as the mental. If only she had the power to allieviate suffering from both regions of life.
Almost shyly, she stepped forward and placed her muzzle against his side and thought about what she wanted to do most. Every time she had seen others with wounds, even minor, inflicted upon them, she had wished desperately to cure them, but had been too afraid to reveal her talent. But now, she knew that she was free to channel all the inward longing towards this lone stallion and make a difference, even if it was only in the life of one individual.
She was not aware of when the blood stopped flowing and his cuts closed, covered by new flesh. Though there were still blood stains upon his coat, there was no indication of where they had originated. She heaved a sigh of relief. She had done well.
“There,” she murmured, “That should feel better.”
She raised curious eyes to his, as a realization struck her. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t even know your name, for I didn't even think to introduce myself. I am called Seraph.”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she coughed deeply. The cough shook her whole frame and she stiffened, fighting the urge to double over. Her lungs ached and she was having trouble breathing, the air rattling through her throat.

....................
485 words too. 0_o Creepy!

awww, two healers together!

[aPPY]

[bg=#070d13][atrb=border,0,false][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,450,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" He could tell that she was confused, though he said nothing. It was best to figure it out on your own, how to heal. And, it wasn't as if he was an expert or anything, only having healed someone else one other time. He quickly thought about something else, knowing that train of thought would only lead to something different, something dark and cold, something that would tear at him all over again. He couldn't do that, think about anything in the past, the pain was too great. It was better to forget, or at least ignore it all if that was the best you could do. Maybe, some time in the future he would get to a place in his life where he could look back, but definitely not now. Now it was too fresh, to open, too sore. It needed to scab over, heal as much as possible before he could allow himself to look at it. Before he could look over the damage it had caused, the damage lessened by time and the hurt somehow fading. He hoped, anyway. And if it hurt just as fresh and badly as it did now, even after so much time had passed, then maybe he would be in the right mind to work through it, knowing that nothing else could truly be done. Even now he kept thinking about how he could go after her, find her somehow, even though there was no trail left behind. There had been nothing. But maybe if he searched...no. He quickly thrust the thoughts away, suddenly making his mind go blank. He couldn't think about it. Not at all. The brush of skin against his own re-alerted him to the present, and he looked down at the mare's white muzzle against his white side, a tingling sensation spreading from her touch. Was that was it felt like to be healed? He didn't quite remember it like that when he had been hurt so long ago. But, after all, it was a very long time ago. Or maybe it was because they were both healers, Shamans? He didn't know. He winced, looking away, the feeling of sorrow spreading through him so vividly and fast that he almost choked on it, the feeling bringing up his own sadness once again. Were you supposed to transfer your feelings like that? He didn't remember that with...Shika. The mare beside him spoke, and he forced the emotions away, glancing at his bloodstained sides and seeing nothing there, and the stinging gone. He turned back to her when she inquired his name, giving her own. Seraph. It was a nice name, different and kind of rolled off the tongue. Easy to say. Though, just as he was about to say his, she coughed, her body going rigid as she fought for breath. Concern crossed his face, and a small bit of relief at the thought that he could be so easily concerned with someone else's welfare. It was more him- to be worried about others, just as he had been about..her the day he met her. It was much more natural to be concerned and worried about someone, especially considering he was a healer. It made him feel a little bit better, and hopeful that things would turn around for him, at least in his head. Things would clear up and he would be fine, eventually. He took a step forward, watching Seraph closely and waiting to see if she was going to fall. The gashes along his side shouldn't have drained much of her energy, they weren't too big after all, though he wasn't sure how deep they had been. He wasn't really paying attention to them before. If she was tired, he didn't want her to collapse and hit her head, since she already appeared unstable. Though, by the sound of her cough and her ragged, forced breathing, her energy was far from the problem. He opened his mouth to ask her a question, though closed it before the words made it out. If she couldn't breathe, she certainly couldn't answer him! He blew out a sigh, moving up next to her and touching his muzzle to her skin just as she had done before. It seemed only right, that he should heal her and she had healed him, them both in need of it. He exhaled again, his eyes closing as he focused on her form against his muzzle, seeking the damaged cells and prodding them to move faster. Instructing them on where to go. It took a moment, but soon everything had mended itself, her organs working properly again, and he stepped back. "Are you alright?" He asked, for the second time now since they had run into each other. "What on earth did you do to yourself?" He whispered, wondering how she had managed to hurt herself in such a way. "Oh! And, I'm Karuk," he finally introduced himself, after what seemed like forever since she had done the same. ==Author's Comments . Word Count 0854 . Notes - longgg. o: . Muse - <3 . Tags - seraph

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[twi]

Seraph was surprised at how dizzy she felt. Her lungs burned more than she could remember them burning, even while she had been running. Her eyelids were leaden weights and she could feel the lightheaded nausea creeping back upon her. Had healing him done something to her? She braced herself, trying to stay coherent.
She did not even notice that he had stepped up to her, touching her with his muzzle in much the same way that she had done to him only moments before. At first she as confused, wondering what he was trying to do. Oh yes, he too was a Healer. The concept was novel to her, as she had never heard of another like herself, much less meet one.
“ You shouldn’t…” she began, but her words were lost in another cough.
She instantly felt the change, as stiffened and ripped muscles mended and her breathing ceased to rattle through her lungs. She could feel the constricting tightness in her chest dissipating and then vanish entirely, as though it had never existed. Gratefully, she sucked in a breath of air, exhaling with an audible sigh of relief. Even along with the removal of her pain, she felt a rush of emotion bear down upon her, even beyond what she was presently experiencing. Her eyes widened in surprise as she found herself spinning in a world of pain beyond belief. Then the overload of emotions and images was gone, at the same moment he removed his muzzle from her pelt.
Though she felt herself again, Seraph could sense that that something had changed. Her sorrow, her heart-rending agony had not diminished, but it had changed somehow, acquired a new, previously undiscovered dimension. What had happened?
“Karuk,” she whispered, repeating his name under her breath. Karuk.
Looking at him, she could feel the difference. She felt linked to him in a realm that far surpassed the physical. His emotions of pain were now influencing her own, making for a slightly altered outlook on life. She shook her mane, trying to rid herself of the feeling.
She stared at the Paint, jerked back to reality by his words.
“Yes,” she said finally, “I’m alright now. Better than I was.”
She suppressed a bitter smile. What had she done to herself? “I ran,” she said simply. “I ran until I could run no more.”
She doubted he would understand the full meaning of her words. Almost 24 hours of nonstop galloping were not what most equines deemed “running until they could run no more”. An hour or two of exertion perhaps, but nothing more. But then, she rose above the standards of what normality was deemed to be. She had been born to run, to extend herself to full gallop almost indefinitely. It was her identity.

[aPPY]

[bg=#070d13][atrb=border,0,false][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,450,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" She protested at first, but it didn't matter. He had decided to heal her, and it appeared as if she needed it, and she had already healed him, so how else could he repay her? He knew that when you healed another person, you basically give a part of yourself away. It was strange to have that feeling again, of a part of you separating and melding into the person you were touching, causing the healing that was happening. He could feel her pain, almost a mirror of his own, and it tugged at him. He swallowed forcefully, wishing he could heal wounds of the mind just as he did wounds of the body. It would be quite the gift, to be able to take away the grief of others; though he knew it was impossible. As he stepped away, after giving his name, he could tell that his own grief appeared lesser. Was that because he realized he was not the only own suffering in such pain? Or had he given his pain to Seraph? He hoped it was the former because even if he wished that his pain was gone, he would rather suffer through it than give it away to someone else. She whispered his name and he looked over at her, seeing that her eyes were already on him. He could feel that tie that he had often heard about, between healers and the healed. A sort of bond they shared. Before, it had only surfaced feelings that had already been there, bringing he and Shika closer together, though now, it was distinctly different. Was that because they were both healers as well? Then she said that she was alright now. He nodded once. She then said that she had run...until she could run no more. The words made him tilt his head to the side, questioning. Until she could run no more? Had she planned to run herself into the ground, to the point of no return? It made sense that her lungs had decided to give out on her, not able to keep up with the exertion. And the pain that he had felt, that feeling so much like his own, that idea didn't sound so bad for a moment. To run and just keep running, away from everything. It was good in theory, yes, though he was quite certain that he wouldn't be able to go far enough away that his pain would not follow him. He shifted his weight, looking back to the white and palomino equine who still stood in front of him. He didn't know what to say, the silence stretching and growing between them. Would they just part ways to dwell on their separate pains like before? ==Author's Comments . Word Count 0463 . Notes - gah. this has been sitting for a day, and i don't know what to add to it. I have no idea what to make him say or anything...so, sorry. D: If you can think about something and want me to edit it, please tell me because i'm at a loss. If you can work with this...go for it. . Muse - ehh. . Tags - seraph

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[twi]

Regretfully, Seraph lifted liquid eyes to his. He was silent, staring at the ground after acknowledging her words with a simple nod. She looked away from him sadly, and shook her head, trying to clear the fog. Everything seemed clouded and distant. She was tired, so tired. She blinked rapidly, trying to stay focused. Stay focused on what? Karuk had not spoken to her, what was keeping her here any longer? Nothing, yet she could not seem to make herself leave. It was like she was too lethargic.
Castaway, the wind seemed to wail, you’re a castaway and unwanted.
She lowered her eyes, feeling more alone than she ever had in her life. She had no one to turn to, nowhere to run. She just wanted rest and solace. Her pain had changed, numbed to a dull ache. What was she doing? She needed to go and make herself useful, try to find the ones who needed healing. She realized that she suddenly felt unenthused about her abilities and wondered why. Perhaps it was because she now knew that there were more times of suffering in the world than just the physical. Looking at Karuk, she could see that she had done nothing for him, nothing at all. Poor Karuk. Why could she not bring herself to leave him? It was like something was restraining her. She finally roused herself enough to step towards him, saying softy, “Karuk, I don’t want to inflict my presence on you if you wish to be left alone in your pain. But whenever the fighting starts again, I am going to be there, as a Healer. I hope it will distract me from my own sorrows. I don’t know when my services will be needed, perhaps not anytime soon, but I thought I’d ask you to join me, if you’d like. Might be a welcome diversion.”
She sighed after she had spoken, looking at Karuk pityingly. It just was not fair that they had to go through this, for life to single them out for its unfeeling ravages. Why? She wondered what had happened to Karuk. He surely suffered no less than she; what was his story? A lost love, a tragic death? She could only guess.

[aPPY]

[bg=#070d13][atrb=border,0,false][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,450,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" Join the fighting, as a healer. He had been thinking the same thing before Seraph had appeared. Figuring that was the best way to help, the way he was needed. He was sure their abilities would be very useful, and Ramaskith had probably already recruited his assorment of healers to help his fighters, so why not Oser and Rasta? He was already friends with Rasta, from a long time ago; she had helped him during the last war, he owed her at least this much. He nodded once, "I was actually thinking about returning," he said, turning to look in the direction that the North lay, "I can't allow everything to fall into the hands of Ramaskith if I could have changed the outcome somehow. I won't just sit back and watch." He shook his head softly. Originally, when he still had some real purpose in life, he had decided to stay out of the fighting at all costs. He couldn't risk not returning home to his family. But now... Now there was nothing to return to. Why shouldn't he put his life on the life to help out what he believed in? He most definitely didn't want to see the lands being taken over by Ramaskith, and he could help in a major way; they both could. A healers involvement could turn the tables. The badly wounded would be able to return to battle quickly, so signs of the injuries they had moments before. Though, the advantage would have to be used sparingly, or else his energy would fail him and he would no longer be able to help. Two healers though; two Shaman, surely it would effect the outcome somehow. If anything, Rasta would know how to use them both wisely, where they would both be needed most. And Seraph was right. It would be a good distraction from his pain. It was all he had ever wanted, to heal people of their physical ailments. He couldn't let his feelings get in the way of what was good. And at least he wouldn't be alone. Looking over at Seraph he could see that her thoughts ran in the same direction as his. She held the same pains within herself that coursed through him veins, and he could see that she didn't want to be alone either. Solitude made the pain worse; it opened the doors for grieving, where you could let it all out and no one would know but yourself. He didn't want to grieve. He wanted to forget. Maybe if he thought about it long enough, and hard enough, he would forget; or at least mostly. It had seemed to work with Katerina before, so why couldn't now? He deperately needed to forget them both, start with a clean slate. Oh how he wished. But his slate was stained black and red, with the memories that he tried to keep locked away in the back of his mind. He could but on a brave face, occupy himself with other things, but the memories would never be erased. The only thing he could do was force himself to think less and less about the past, and look toward the future. It was difficult, for the furture held so many reminders, but he had to do it. If he didn't, he didn't know what would happen to him. If he let himself dwell on the past, and all the things he might have done wrong and could have done differently, he would surely loose himself to the pain and sadness, and then he would be worthless to the rest of the world. Completely worthless. So he looked forward, knowing there truly was no other place to look, there was no other time. He was out of time. He couldn't change the past, so he had to move forward, think forward, do forward; so as not to be lost to the memories and the could have beens, should have beens. "I would be honored to have another like myself to accompany me back," he said, finally actually giving a direct answer to the proposal the painted mare had given. He had to look to the future. He had to force himself to heal the wounds that magic could not touch. He had to, so that he wouldn't loose himself. ==Author's Comments . Word Count 0734 . Notes - i feel like i started to ramble on at the end. but i've noticed that that happens when i have a little bit of muse. i just keep talking and talking and talking. roflmao. . Muse - took a bit, but finally. . Tags - seraph

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[twi]

Seraph favored him with a shaky smile, heartened by his words. She had thought that she wanted to be alone, to wallow in her misery in the time afforded by solitude, but now she was not so sure. If Karuk was willing to accompany her back, she would be more than willing. She decided that she might even grow to like his company, for her own was less than pleasant. Being left alone with her thoughts for too long was painful to the mind, like it was turning in on itself, consuming its own being just to staunch its grievous wounds.
She heaved a deep sigh, feeling old, older than she had felt for a very long time. Looking around, truly seeing her surroundings for the first time, Seraph saw that summer had come. The buds had flowered and the grass was long and green. Sunlight wafted through the forest, illuminating patches of mossy ground. With a start, she realized that she was now eight years old. Was she really eight? Spring had passed, and along with it, she too had aged with the land, another year added to her collection.
Regretfully, she lifted her head, her regal face chiseled with sadness. She had thought that she would never find love, never find the soul mate she had sought all these years. Had it really been so long ago that she had met Tou? It had been autumn then and they had been together until spring, the very end of that fateful spring as she recalled. She had thought that life was complete then, that nothing could mar her happiness. How naive she had been then, and so very young. She felt innumerably old now, the feeling accompanied by regret. Most mares’ primes were in their fourth or fifth year, and here she was beginning her eighth. Her beauty was untouched by time’s ravages, as it would remain for several more years to come, but something had changed in her, something beyond repair. She had lost something along with that first love of hers, and the knowledge hurt. She had moved on from that circle of life that thought only of love and bliss. She doubted that she would ever love again, for how could one love such as herself, not only past her prime but shattered of heart? She did not want to think of herself as beyond being able to love and adore, but saw it as a reality. She did not want to be loved for her exquisite appearance. She wanted to be loved just as Tou had loved her, for what was inside, not apparent to all.
A single tear made its way down her muzzle to drip unnoticed to the forest floor. She looked up then, seeing Karuk standing beside her. She had almost forgotten about his presence. Apologetically, she took a step nearer to him, saying, “I’m sorry Karuk, I just can’t seem to engage with reality. Forgive me for ignoring you. Yes, I will be glad of your company for I am in need of someone, probably more than I know.”
After the words were out of her mouth, she realized what she had said and hoped Karuk had not taken it the wrong way. Not that it really mattered anymore. Not much did.

[aPPY]

[bg=#070d13][atrb=border,0,false][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,450,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" With the silence, his thoughts began to wander again. They were always doing that, no matter how much the thoughts hurt to think about. It was as if his mind just wanted him to relive the pain over and over again, as if punishing himself, blaming himself, for everything that went wrong with his relationships. It never failed that something bad did happen, and maybe it was his fault. What was he doing wrong? He didn't know, but there had to be something. Maybe it was two different, contrasting things done differently each time, but both ended the same way. With him, alone, heartbroken. The first time he had been foolish. He had left Katerina alone, undefended, just to fight some war he had no interest in. The actions he had chosen cost her her life, and the life of their child, and he could have prevented it if he had just stayed back. If he had not gone off to fight in the pointless war. He would have been there, he could have saved her, somehow. He always told himself that; if he had been there, things would have been different. Even if the facts that lay all over the ground said otherwise, he blamed himself. He could have done something to save her. If only he had been there. It was his fault they were dead. The second time, maybe he was too protective? The thought that the same thing could happen was chiseled into his mind and he was too over bearing? Too worried all of the time? He thought he had reason to, not only because of past experiences, but because of Shika herself, being so clumsy. Maybe that had drove her away. He didn't know, and he would never get the answers he wanted so badly; he would only be able to blame himself. For everything. It would always be his fault, no matter what anyone else said to try to lessen the pain. And now, that he had been so close to happiness, to love, to a family, twice, and then have it ripped away from him so suddenly, maybe he wasn't meant to have those things. He was destined to be alone forever. It was a harsh reality that made his emotions drop to an all time low. He didn't want to be alone forever. He dreaded the thought. But if trying meant that he would have it all taken away again, why should he force himself to suffer? Or would those moments when things were going right be enough to weigh out the pain of having it taken away? He wasn't so sure. A voice entered his thoughts, and at first he thought he imagined it. An apology. She was apologizing? He blinked a few times, reality fading back as he remembered that he was not alone. There was a mare next to him. And she was going to go with him... To heal others. At first his mind was shocked, thinking that this apology could only be coming from Shika, having resurfaced after disappearing, apologizing for getting lost or something. The realization that this was not it was a blow to his heart, though his thoughts raced. Was he going crazy? WIshing Shika was there was not going to bring her around, so why did he think she would just appear? He did wish that he could shut his mind off though. At least the sections that made him suffer so. He nodded, looking over at the white and golden figure beside him. Seraph was right. They both needed someone. He understood her detachment from reality, he was experiencing the same thing. And while they both held his pain, at least they weren't as alone as they felt. There was still a world out there that needed their help; a world that was in jeopardy. Even at this very moment, Ramaskith could very well be advancing into the North, destroying everything and everyone that lay in his path. The thought was sickening, that the creature thought he could just take everything away from others. Though, it was a welcome thought as well. It was a distraction, and he was needed. Both he and Seraph were. Their abilites could be very helpful as Ramaskith's army clashed with the opposing forces. Though, they would only be helpful if they got there in time to do something. He looked at Seraph, "Shall we be on our way then?" He asked, an overwhelming sense of urgency coming over him. "I wouldn't want to show up and see that we were too late to do anything." His face turned into one of despair as he thought that again, he would have show up too late to do anything. Too late to help anyone. Too late for so many things. What good were magical abilites if you never got the chance to use them to help? What good were they if you were always arriving just a few moments too late, when the life has already left and there is nothing left to repair. Nothing left to bring back. What good was it? ==Author's Comments . Word Count 0864 . Notes - sorry for the wait, but at least I got something in! :D Karuk is starting to worry they won't get there in time, and Ramaskith will have already taken over and everyone will be dead. Just like before. /: . Muse - kind of. ish. . Tags - Seraph

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[twi]

Seraph pitied Karuk, as he stood there so silently, a defeated demeanor to his stance. He seemed lost within himself, walking along long-lost paths of memory, reliving every last detail of what was lost to him forever. The temptation was to follow suit was strong in Seraph, just to close her eyes and float away, to be borne to that mysterious land of memories where nothing was real - a comforting fact. All she had to do was remember…
"Shall we be on our way then?" I wouldn't want to show up and see that we were too late to do anything."
His words saved Seraph from letting herself go and she momentarily was remorseful, remorseful that she could not be left alone with her thoughts. But no, it was better that way, better that she not remember, for the past was just a memory and trying to bring it back could only bring grief. She did not need more grief.
“Yes,” she replied simply, “let us go.”
She was the one that began to walk, listening to the sound of her own hooves thumping against the ground. Funny, she had always been the type to wait, to let the other make the first move. Now it just didn’t matter anymore. Why wait when you don’t have to? Why postpone what must be done when you can just choose to take the lead? She had not even looked back to see if Karuk was following her.
As she continued at a subdued pace down the forest trail, Karuk tortured face kept flashing into Seraph’s mind. What was his story? Had he too lost a love, just as she had? Or maybe his story was completely different, maybe he had been the brunt of abuse, maybe by Rama and his army. No, she decided, such an experience could not trigger what she was seeing in him, such profound sorrow was only caused by loss. Maybe it had been family, cruelly torn from his grasp, by death or some other misfortune.
Resentment boiled up in Seraph as she considered the unfairness of life. Why should they both be at the mercy of fortune, hapless individuals subject to its ever-changing whims? She had never consented to be its victim, never chosen to release herself to fate, cruel fate.
Like the wind in the treetops above, her mood changed to from bitterness to amusement at herself. It wasn’t like fate was a living, breath force, deliberately destroying her life. And if fate did not decide what was to happen to her, what would? Would she? The idea was laughable.
Abruptly, she looked over at Karuk.
“We will be awhile traveling to the North Lands and while I do not mind traveling in silence, it would be nice to converse with you, if only to distract me from the ghosts of my past. So I will ask you; what is your story? Please, do not feel as though you must reply, for I only say this so that we can understand each better if we are to travel and possibly even work together. I know that I have a tragic past and am willing to share it with you, if you wish to hear it,” she said.

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[aPPY]

[bg=#070d13][atrb=border,0,false][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,450,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" She agreed, turning and walking away without a backward glance. He stayed where he was for a moment before picking up a trot and catching up with her, slowing to a walk beside her. They walked slowly, both consumed by their thoughts. Kilton glided overhead, quietly watching the path in front of them. Karuk watched his feet as the dust gathered on hi hooves, small depressions in the ground where he stepped, being left behind and bushed away by the wind on some later day. It was quiet around them, just a normal summer day. Other creatures of the land were keeping to themselves, and the sun offered warmth from high up, and tree offering shade to those that tire easy under the ultraviolet rays. Suddenly, Seraph spoke up, her voice slicing through the silence. His story? Tragic past? He almost laughed, such an insane action; her? A tragic past? He supposed his own could be described in such a way, but her? He doubted that. He turned to look at her, seeing that her eyes were on him, waiting for him to reply; either in a refusal or to begin his "story." He opened his mouth to begin to speak, but he didn't know if he wanted to dive into his past. To bring it all up. But then a part of him thought that maybe it would be good, to talk about it. He sighed, looking away for a moment but then looking back at Seraph. "I suppose if you wish to know, I won't deny you something to pass the time. Though, it's not a very nice story." He sighed again, looking forward. Where to begin? At the start of it all? Back with Katerina? It seemed only right to start at the beginning, instead of just skipping it and reciting more recent events. Kilton screeched, circling in the sky before dropping down onto Karuk's withers. "I was born in the South. The land that now borders the East. When the first war began, most of us jumped at the chance to fight. To prove ourselves, so to speak. A normal mindset, I would assume. We left, volunteering to fight for a cause we didn't even understand." He shook his head, "It was stupid really. To leave our families like that. We were allowed brief respites where we returned home for a few days. Nothing much, but at least they knew we weren't dead yet. Katerina was always worried though, but I guess it should have been the other way around." He paused, lowering his head. "I was already beginning to regret leaving, to fight and kill for nothing. It was barbaric. I returned home for a short time, only to find that everyone had been murdered. I kept telling myself that if only I had been there, things would have been different. Katerina might have lived. It didn't matter that I know I probably would have died also, I still think I could have at least saved her, and the foal. But I was too late." He took a deep breath, looking up at the sky for a moment and then forward again. "After that I wanted to leave, I asked to leave, but they wouldn't let me. I tried to still, and they tried to kill me. At the time, I thought it was the best thing. How could I live without my family? Though, someone found me, and healed me, and gave me the choice to do the same. I accepted the gift, thinking that maybe if I helped others, I could make up for what I wasn't able to do. I wasn't there to help her, but maybe I could be there to help others. It was a stupid thought, I know that now, but it kept me going." He shrugged. His philosophy had led him to Shika, and though that had seemed great to begin with, it had only ended in sorrow. No matter what he tried to do to make up for his mistakes, nothing did. He was always punished. "So, I started walking. Trying to get as far away from the life I led. I had heard that the lands had been split and that Ramaskith was detained, but I just kept walking. Away from everyone. He couldn't be contained forever. Not soon after I found this guy though," He motioned to Kilton, "He fell out of tree I was dozing under and never left." Kilton squawked, bobbing his head. "Well, now I wasn't traveling alone, but Kilton and I kept to ourselves for white a while." He took a breath, letting it out slowly. "Last summer I met Shika. It was the first time I had ever healed someone. As it turned out, she was actually the Alpha of the South at the time. I was confused, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I should have never done that." He sighed, shaking his head as he walked. He decided to skip part of this encounter, as he didn't think he could talk about it. Just thinking about it made him sad, and in part angry as well. His face transitioned into a tortured one as he spoke again. "She left. And I have no idea why..." He hung his head low, staring at the ground again. It was the question that just continued to run through his head over and over. Where had she gone? Why did she leave? What did he do? Why was he always messing things up? Why was it that once he was actually happy, things were snatched away from him? ==Author's Comments . Word Count 0952 . Notes - poor karuk<3 . Muse - (: . Tags - seraph

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