Victims of Sorrow [Appy]

[twi]

As Karuk’s story flooded from him, a deluge of pain, Seraph could only nod in sympathy. How tragic. To lose one mate from war and to be deserted by the next. No one deserved so cruel a fate! By the time he had finished, Seraph became aware of mute tears running down her face, as his story rang so close to her own. Deserted. Deserted by Shika. How had he put it? "She left. And I have no idea why..."
Doubt began fill Seraph as she reflected on his words. His situation could have easily been identical to her own. Waking up, ready to face the morning with a partner by your side, only to realize that you were alone. Not so much as a whisper in the night yet when you wake, the one you planned to spend eternity with has vanished.
But surely, one voice reasoned, Tou would never have done a thing like that. Oh, and what makes you so sure, said another. Perhaps he thought better of you and to cause no more pain than necessary, just quietly slipped away?
Angrily, Seraph gnashed her teeth. How long had this discussion been going on in her mind? Karuk’s words had only added wood to the fire of doubt.
To distract herself from her mental turmoil, Seraph said, echoing her thoughts, “No one deserves that. After so much sadness, you should have found happiness, not more pain. I don’t even know what to say, because telling you that I’m sorry for your loss seems so inadequate. How about I share my story, so that you can know that I identify with your pain?”
She paused, collecting her thoughts. Where to start? At the beginning of course.
“I was a privileged foal, doting parents, everything I could have asked for. My father died when I was one, which wasn’t so bad because I was growing up anyway and was more attached to mother. But his death hit her really hard and for the next year I had to watch her waste away until there was nothing left. We were really close, so when she finally succumbed to grief, I was hit hard. But by then I was two years old, old enough to have left both of them anyway, so in time I recovered. I never took a mate, though I had enough stallions interested in me, I suppose. I am a sensitive creature and not being able to heal the emotional wounds of my mother hurt me, deep inside as I watched her slowly fade.”
Seraph gave a rueful smile of remembering.
“Then I met Tou, when I was seven. He was…well perfect, so perfect. He and I, we seemed made for each other.”
She took a shaky, breath, trying to steady herself, trying to fight back the lump in her throat. “I thought we’d be together forever. It almost would have been easier had he chosen to leave me, telling me he wanted to part ways. But he didn’t. One morning I woke up to find him gone. He left no trace of his passing, no indication that he had even existed at all. I searched and searched and called and called, but all I found was this.”
She dipped her delicate head to indicate the heart-shaped pendant upon her chest.
“I never found out what happened to him and the uncertainty is killing me. It was like he was stolen away in the night, almost like he had never existed. It was eerie. I don’t want to believe he just left me, but any other explanation just doesn’t seem rational. But I’ve been trying to believe,” she said with a sob.
“I’ve been trying to tell myself that he would never have done a thing like that it me, but as time goes on, I don’t know if I even believe it anymore,” she ended.
She looked appealingly at Karuk, as though willing him to tell her that she was wrong, that something else had to account from his disappearance. She just couldn’t live with the knowledge that Tou had deserted her so heartlessly.

[aPPY]

[bg=#070d13][atrb=border,0,false][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,450,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" The words repeated themselves again and again in his mind. She left. She left. She left. They were like physical blows and he winced a little each time they echoed again. Faintly, he recognized that Seraph was speaking. No one deserves it? Then why did it keep happening? Why did everything he cared about just vanish? As if nothing had ever happened? If it weren't for the heart wrenching pain that remained in his chest, he might believe that none of it had ever happened. Yet, he grew older, he had the memories, and the pain was still there. It was all real, no matter how devestating it was. This sadness was still his, and it was still there, and some how, some way, he did deserve it. He only wished he could repay what ever it was he was indebted to, and that it would all end some day. He was beginning to think that perhaps it would be so much easier if he just stopped trying. Stop trying to be happy. Stop trying everything. Maybe then he wouldn't be caught in this circle. This seemingly never ending spiral of heartbreak and heart loss. Though, Seraph decided that she should recite her own story in return for him retelling his. He listened, because thats all he could do. They shared a same pain, he knew, he had felt it when he healed her. Perhaps it would help her to talk about it much more than it had --or hadn't-- helped him. It was much the same story as his own. Without the first chapter, and straight to the second. Gone, they were always gone. Vanished, like the leaves in a windstorm but without the sound. She looked at him, as if searching for her answers and he only stared back. What was he supposed to tell her? He sighed, "I cannot gauruntee that he did not leave. It seems the ones we love do the most unpredictable things. Though, I'm not as optimisitc as you seem to be. Perhaps he did not just up and leave, but you can never be sure unless you see him again." He shook his head. "But, the uncertainty of it all may be better than the heartbreak of realizing what you dread may be true." It sounded so hopeless, the words he spoke. But he was just that. He had no hope that maybe Shika had just been taken, not anymore. There really was no other explanation other than that she decided to leave without a backward glance. He had searched, and the clue that would have been left behind were not there. Maybe Seraph's Tou was different, but he could not be sure, and he was not going to fill her head with false hopes that maybe there was something other to the story when there really wasn't. Sometimes you just never know who that other person is, and while you may think you do, they could just be someone completely different when you wake up. ==Author's Comments . Word Count 0510 . Notes - a little shorter, but i like it anyway. . Muse - :B . Tags - seraph

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Header by Appy - Coding by Abba

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[twi]

Seraph found herself shaking her head, slowly, sadly. How could he say uncertainty was better than knowledge? At least then one was only tortured by one reality instead of many possible realities. So many different options of what horror could have happened was so much worse than knowing the conclusive truth.
“No,” she said quietly, “My heartbreak could not be increased by knowing that he actually did leave me. I don’t think it would be possible. I just want to know so that I can start to reconcile myself to whatever happened.”
Again, she replied the scene in her mind, trying to remember some overlooked clues, trying to glean something, anything, in retrospect. But of course she got nothing, nothing at all. She looked at Karuk as though by simply staring at him, she could read the details of his loss. Had his Shika disappeared just like Tou? Was his situation just like hers or did he have more substantial evidence that she had made the choice to leave. He seemed so resigned to what he believed had happened, but what if the exact same thing happened to him that happened to her? Perhaps she was just being idealistic, thinking that maybe things weren’t as they appeared. Judging by his bitter words, Seraph could tell that he had already made his decision. If he had ever had any hope as to being wrong, he must have quenched it. Maybe she would do well to follow his example, to choose to disregard the hope still burning in her chest. If she moved on, maybe she would find the peace she sought.
She raised her head, bringing Karuk’s pained face into her line of vision. Did he look at peace? It only took a moment’s deliberation for her to decide that no, he had not yet found solace. Poor Karuk.
Instinctively, she touched his shoulder with her velvety muzzle. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, “I’m sorry for both of us.”
She hoped that the gesture would do him good. Right now all she wanted was to crumple in a heap and cry, but she knew that she had to be strong. She was in desperate need of comfort and hoped that in attempting to comfort Karuk, she herself would find the comfort she sought in simply sympathizing with another. Right now, it seemed there was nothing else she could do.

[aPPY]

[bg=#070d13][atrb=border,0,false][atrb=cellpadding,0,false][atrb=cellspacing,0,false][atrb=width,450,true][th] text "speech" thoughts "other characters' speech" She started to shake her head and he just shrugged. Perhaps she was still holding onto hope but he figured if he continued to believe that something had happened, that Shika hadn't chosen to walk out on him, he would hold onto it for the rest of his like, and he would forever be stuck in a state of searching and uncertainty. He could not do that. He didn't want to live that way. He wouldn't wish that for anyone. It was just easier to understand that the people you love do things you don't get, and things you don't like, and sometimes you just have to deal with it. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to change what happens. Maybe it would be somewhat better to know the whole truth, but sometimes it's just easier to live with the mystery. He was silent now. He had nothing to say. If she believed she wanted to know the truth about what happened to her lost love, that was her choice, but she would spend a long time searching for those answers. In a way, you wouldn't be able to move past the memories unless you did find the one you're looking for, and you got those answers. You won't accept anything until you hear it from those people themselves and will strive to hear those answers until you do, whether or not they are what you really want to hear. I wasn't going to down himself in the agony of trying to find Shika and ask her what happened. He just wasn't. She had left, it was that simple, there was no reason that he should jump out there and listen to her name the things he did wrong. It was easier to just move on and live life with what was given to him. It's easier that way. He just kept repeating that to himself. Easier, easier, easier. Seraph brushed her muzzle against his shoulder, saying she was sorry for what has happened to the both of them. He shrugged again. There really wasn't all that much to be sorry about. He didn't want sympathy, it only made it harder to forget. He sighed, "We should be nearing the North soon, we should hurry so that we can find either Rasta or Oser before anything happens." He paused, "If nothing has already." He felt a little bad for the sudden change in subject but he really didn't want to dwell on the past. Of what might have been, of what is right and wrong, of what actually happened. None of it matter to him because she was gone. That was the facts and he was pretty sure it was going to stay that way. There was nothing he could do to change her mind and her actions, and if she ever did come back, he didn't think he would ever be able to trust her again. Not after all that had happened. It was better if he didn't think about it, and just never saw her again. "Moved on" so to speak. Most likely just forgotted and pushed away like before. He shook his head lightly, as if the action could throw the thoughts out of his mind and into the dirt on the ground. It would be much easier if that would happen. He picked up a steady trot alongside Seraph, focusing his mind onto the task ahead of them. They had to find someone and figure out the status of the war. Where was Ramaskith right now? What if he was already in the North, invading onto the territory and they were too late? An impatience rose inside of him and he wished he could get there faster, but he knew he couldn't. He would just have to hope that nothing had changed just yet, or that the North was doing it's best to defend itself against the enemy. ==Author's Comments . Word Count 672 . Notes - finished? you can reply again if you want and then we can call it finished. either way. trying to get them into the North where they'll surely be needed soon. . Muse - mreh. . Tags - seraph

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Header by Appy - Coding by Abba

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